Why I am announcing I’m pregnant in the first trimester

It’s been quite a while since I’ve been able to sit down and write something of my own. I’ve had a couple of fantastic Working Mom Wednesday interviews over the last month (like this one and that one), but with so much going on lately it’s been hard to find an inspirational moment.

First, there’s the move to Texas. Between getting our house ready to sell and finding a place to live in Houston {and everything that goes along with getting us from point A to point B}, it’s a wonder my head hasn’t spun off. And on top of it all, my husband had to leave to start his job five weeks ago so I’ve been surviving as a single parent for a month {hats off to my single mamas; I don’t know how you do it!}.

But if I’m honest, all of the stress that comes with packing and moving isn’t what’s kept me away from writing.

The truth is, I haven’t been feeling like myself lately.

And that’s because I’m pregnant!

If you knew me during my last three pregnancies, you know that my body absolutely despises growing another human being {think Kate Middleton, without the press coverage}.

Well, this pregnancy has been no different and two weeks ago I landed myself in the Emergency Room due to dehydration from excessive vomiting. {Thank you to my parents for stepping in to watch the kids and sit with me at the hospital!}

It’s hardly been ideal timing with the move, but after the loss of our last baby I’m finding it much easier to be grateful for the cards we’ve been dealt during this time of transition. Plus, maybe we’re getting all of the craziness for the year out of the way all at once, right?!

As I write this, I’m 10 weeks pregnant. Most smells makes me gag and I can smell literally everything. Changing Henry’s diapers is the worst. Mornings are horrible, but evenings are pretty brutal too. As long as I stay on top of my anti-nausea medication and keep food {whatever I can handle} in my belly, the days are tolerable at best. I go to bed with my toddlers at 7:30 p.m. and I’m secretly hoping this January due-date baby makes a New Year’s Eve appearance, because, insurance.

Why am I telling you this? Why would I announce my pregnancy in the first trimester, before I’ve so much as heard a heart beat?

Because I sort of suck right now

I want you to know that I’m pregnant, because I don’t feel very good. This means I may not have the energy to be super friendly all the time – or any of the time. I probably don’t want to schedule a playdate, I definitely don’t want to go to a restaurant and I may not even get back to you in my usually prompt manner. My moodiness will pass when the morning sickness subsides, but until then I just want you to know it’s me, not you.

Because I need you right now

There’s a really good chance that once you find out I’m pregnant {and moving with two small children and no husband} that you’ll offer to help me. And there’s a 100% chance that I will take you up on your offer. I’m exhausted and completely drained of any sense of pride. I literally couldn’t have survived the last few weeks without the help of some amazing neighbors, my best friends and my parents. I promise to return the favor some day.

Because I may really need you

Only time will tell where this pregnancy will lead us. It may be another boy to bunk up with big brother Henry some day. It may be another outgoing girl to give Daphne {and mom} a run for her money. Or, heaven forbid, we may not be so lucky. If a miscarriage were to happen to us again, I would definitely need the emotional support of my family and friends to get us through another loss. If I know now I would want to share such a low point with you, why wouldn’t I want to also share the excitement of finding out we’re pregnant, too?

Because I’m excited

If you’ve ever struggled with fertility {or even if you haven’t} you know that for most of us baby-making isn’t as easy as they make it look on Teen Mom. I’m thrilled to add another Golden nugget to the family roster and I can’t wait to share my excitement with others! One thing is true for all moms-to-be, you need to do whatever makes you comfortable. If it gives you peace of mind to wait until you’re out of your first trimester to share the news, by all means wait. Everyone you love will be overjoyed no matter when you make the announcement.

If you’re like me and wear your emotions on your sleeves, do you follow the norm and postpone the baby news or are you quick to announce the stork is coming?

4 Replies to “Why I am announcing I’m pregnant in the first trimester”

    1. You are an AMAZING woman, Lauren and please know you are really in my prayers. You have so many stressors right now, so I hope you have found a good doctor – really several good doctors. (I am still looking for an orthopedist after a year😳) I am retired,remember ,and I have cousins who live in University Place and a friend in Missouri City so if you give me some warning, I would be glad to help – except for cooking 😀😀but I can certainly shop or pick up take away. You are a brave young woman. God bless you

  1. What a profound concept. My second pregnancy ended in a miscarriage, a week into the start of the second trimester (the widely regarded “safe zone”), and I would have announced the pregnancy joyously that day after that doctor’s appointment, had it been a different outcome. My husband and I concealed my nausea for three months; failed pregnancy for another month; and all the emotions that followed until an unexpected trip to the ER a month later while relatives were in town, staying at our home.

    My doctor had asked me if I wanted to try the misoprostol tablets or have a D and C, he said surgery is always something that should be avoided if possible, so I said fine, took the tablets the first night, then nothing happened for 22 hours, at which point, we were conveniently at a wedding reception when I started the miscarriage process and had to sneak away in a hurry, aquire a plastic bag to sit on while I drove home and sit in pain for the next 8 hour or so. Two days after that I was meeting Hillary Clinton and had a photo taken. My 14 week bump still visible despite the effort to conceal it with spanx and jump right off where I was with my pre-pregnancy body. I was still bleeding, but the doctor had assured me that it was to be expected, so I thinked nothing of it.

    Fast forward less than a month, I ended up having what was basically a second miscarriage (due to the the misoprostol tablets not fully removing the “conception materials”). Most certainly the most embarrassing moment of my life. As rare as this probably was, it would have been beneficial if my doctor had told me I might need to carry around a couple Depends in case of emergency (read: gushing blood). Let’s just say that being at a museum, and then attempting to take the bus home is NOT something anyone should attempt while having a miscarriage. But then again, for all I knew, I had already had my miscarriage, I had no idea what was going on. Luckily, I was able to make it to a Walgreens before any serious blood loss happened. If you ever want a free pack of Depends and leggings, have a miscarriage at Walgreens! All humor aside, I ended up loosing half my blood, being rushed off to the ER waiting room, where I fainted and was successfully moved to the front of the line, and then being asked an array of questions such as “are you or have you been anemic in the past? Is this your general complexion? You look very pale.” And my doctor over the phone saying “you’re probably having your period again, it might be heavier,” that was, until a few days later when he saw my blood test. This all lead to a forced confession by my husband to the six relatives staying at our home, so they would be able to watch our toddler while we were at the ER. At that point, we just told a handful of relatives. Each one looked down to the ground awkwardly, unsure of what to say next. Offering support in what small way they could, yet not really wanting to discuss it at all. Not knowing how we really felt or what was going on, other than a failed attempt at creating life.

    Not to make it any more confusing or complicated, but I had pursuaded my husband to book a baby moon vacation prior to all of this in Hawaii sometime during the second trimester. The trip ended up happening probably one week after the D and C surgery. At the time I just thought that I was glad I didn’t have the miscarriage on the 8 hour flight to Hawaii! Well, I just shouldn’t have been somewhere so beautiful during such a sad personal time. My sister was with us on the trip, we had told her but not my mom. The whole miscarriage seemed so shameful and embarrassing to me. At least, from everyone’s reactions I felt like they really didn’t want to know. So I stopped telling people. It seemed like I was unnecessary burdening them with my unhappy news. And then I had a week of what I would call postpartum depression, minus the baby. I was in one of the most beautiful places in the world and I couldn’t be happy. I was still anemic and very weak, and we climbed a scenic mountain trail to a waterfall, something I shouldn’t have done, but did anyway. When we got back my doctor said we can try again right away, but it didn’t feel right. My body was also aching and had been through so much. A nutritionist recommended waiting a year, something that made me feel conflicting sadness and relief. My first child was almost beginning his terrible twos (let’s be honest, he started them early!) and I was still exhausted from waking up from late night and early morning feedings.

    Now, nearly a year later, I’m still exhausted from the two year old, who only recently has started sleeping through the night. I’m still about ten pounds heavier than I was before the second, and before that I was ten pounds heavier from after the first. Probably as a result of the stress from raising a child, and the depression of not being able to have another. It’s alright. I’m 31, there will be more babies. I wouldn’t be honest if I said I wasn’t afraid of failing again, it’s definitely a giant grey cloud cloud that looms in the distance, forever reminding me that life is fragile and not always certain. Hopefully I won’t be as afraid to conceive after my second successful pregnancy, whenever that day comes.

    xox

    1. Tiffany, what a brave and scary story. I’m sorry for all of your experiences. I had a D&C with my miscarriage to avoid precisely what you went through. The risk was definitely scary for me with two little ones at home but I knew I wouldn’t be able to move on until my body had “moved on”. Besides a virtual HUG the only thing I want to tell you is that your miscarriage was not a failure and you shouldn’t feel ashamed. If you want to talk about it, talk about it. For you, not for the person listening uncomfortably. Getting pregnant after a miscarriage has been its own beast….definitely emotionally closed off this time. We shall see if that fades as time goes on! XO

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