Do you remember your kindergarten art class? I do. My teacher was Mrs. Rosser, and one day she had us working on a project. I started drawing, and a few minutes later, I made a fateful mistake.
I looked over at what my tablemate Karen was doing. And her picture was way better than mine.
I traded in my sheet of paper, and started over, copying Karen as precisely as I could. Her picture was good, so obviously I needed mine to look like hers, so that mine would be good.
That was my first major bout of Comparisonitis, and it was not fun, especially because it ended with me being shamed in front of the entire class for copying. I still don’t do art today, so thanks, Mrs. Rosser!
The second time I got caught up in comparing myself to someone else, I was older (if not wiser) — and if you’ve read my book, you might recognize this story.
When I got my first real job, it was working for the magazine division of the Kansas City Star. I replaced a woman named Gwen Heffner, who left to have a baby — and went on to become an Instagram star.
Everyone who met me at work called me “the new Gwen,” which did nothing for my self esteem. And when I scrolled through Gwen’s amazing feed on social media, as she built an incredible new career, I could feel myself shrinking inside my skin.
I certainly wasn’t going to try to copy Gwen — I’d internalized that lesson — but I couldn’t help feeling inferior every time I picked up my phone, every time someone mentioned her name, every time someone called me “the new Gwen.”
Ultimately, I had to unfollow her for a time — I needed that boundary. And maybe you do, too. I knew that I had to stop comparing myself to others.
If there’s someone who constantly makes you feel like you’re not enough, then maybe it’s time to let go. Unfollow. Delete.
Because you ARE enough, Mama, and comparing yourself to anyone besides the you of yesterday is not helpful.
Yes, some people have more experience than you. Yes, some people are ahead of you in business. But you know what else?
Some people are behind you and have less experience than you do.
If your son or daughter came home and said someone else in her class was a better speller, or could ride a bike faster or anything else, what would you tell her? Would you recommend that she keep comparing herself to the kids around her, or would you encourage her to keep working on herself?
And if another Free Mama came to you and said that your success made her feel intimidated, what would you say then?
So… why do we think it’s okay to compare ourselves to others? Why do we keep asking ourselves, “Why can’t I stop comparing myself to others?”
That mama you’re watching? You don’t know the whole story. You weren’t there for her late nights, the time she cried in her car, or the day she thought about giving it all up.
Sure, the Insta feed is pretty, but that’s the highlight reel. At the end of the day, she’s got spit-up on her shirt and something squishy in her shoes, just like the rest of us.
Set boundaries in your business — and your life. Protect yourself from getting caught up in the comparison game, because it’s a game you just can’t win.
The only person you need to look at is yourself. And Mama, from where I sit, you look amazing.
P.S. Have you read my book? It is full of practical advice and somewhat embarrassing stories about me journey to becoming a Free Mama. Check it out!
Also, check out last week’s episode of FreeMamaTV where I talked all about the qualities and skills of a virtual assistant that will make you stand out!