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“We shouldn’t be so hard on ourselves or other moms”

stay at home moms turned working moms

Q & A with Katie Galicia

I am so excited that Katie agreed to do today’s Working Mom Wednesday interview.

Our paths crossed after I reached out via email about a collaboration with Femfessionals and was invited to a meeting to discuss the possible partnership further.

I was a tad disheveled and didn’t want to be late after forgetting the rules of downtown parking {a massive SUV without a single quarter in it for the meter! I finally gave up a valet parked at the hotel across the street. #suburbanmom}. Katie made me feel welcomed and at ease. She is an amazing listener and incredibly kind, both of which make her great at her job and a great mom!

When I learned that she had four boys and was new-ish to the workforce, I had a million questions running through my mind. Luckily, she let me ask a handful of them and shared her answers with you all.

Self-promo time. Tell me what you do.

I started working full time last May as the Membership Coordinator at Central Exchange; it is a non-profit organization that provides a venue and voice for women seeking to reach their full personal and professional potential. I provide support to the Chief Membership Officer along with managing and maintaining over 1,100 memberships. I am usually the first person that a new member hears from and I work closely with them to ensure they are utilizing their membership to the fullest.

Along with membership I oversee Emerging Leaders; it is a yearlong female focused leadership development program; it gives me the opportunity to meet and learn from high profile female executives.

If that wasn’t your gig, what do you think you’d be doing ?

I’ve secretly always wanted to be a police officer. The thrill, the rush, helping people in our community and making it a safer environment not only for my boys, but the community. Yet, I’m also scared of what comes with putting your life on the line. I’ve never shot a gun, let alone held a gun!

What is it like working with a bunch of women?

It’s not what most would think or imagine; I wasn’t even sure what to think when I started. I am a mom of four boys with two brothers, so I am not use to being around women. I love it though. I’ve always wanted sisters and this is as close as I will get! I work with an amazing group of women. We are here to support, help and build up each other in so many ways! I have built what I see will be long term friendships with these women and can’t imagine not being around them.

You took a hiatus from the workforce to raise your children. Why did you decide to go back?

My youngest was 9 years old {oldest 16} and I started to notice I wasn’t needed as much as before, whether it was at school or at home. I guess you could say I raised them too good! They were very independent, which was hard for me to face.

I found things to do {don’t get me wrong, because with four boys there is always something that needs to be done}; however, I was starting to feel that I was missing out on something and needed to do more for myself. I had given so much of my life and time to my boys and the household that I knew my time to venture out was near.

[tweetthis]I was starting to feel that I was missing out on something and needed to do more for myself.[/tweetthis]

What was the biggest challenge when starting the job search again?

My biggest challenge was where to begin? What had I missed out on and what I was lacking compared to others that had been in the workforce the entire time I was away. I needed to find out what I liked to do, wanted to do and what were my skills. Realizing all of this and what I was up against definitely busted my confidence bubble! And it was scary.

How did you tackle it?

I started looking at job posts, doing some research and seeing what was out there, what caught my eye. From there I decided on easing my way into the workforce by working only part time. Finding what worked for me and still allowed me to be involved with my boys’ lives, because that was still a huge factor for me. I knew that this was a major change not only for me but for my boys, as well.

What was the best part about going back?

Meeting new people outside of my boys’ lives.

What is a typical day like for you now?

I get up around 5/5:30 a.m. to shower, get ready for work, and listen to the news as I prep breakfast for my boys. It’s what I’ve always done and want to continue doing. I sometimes prep dinner in the morning depending on what our evening looks like.

I wake my younger two up around 7 and that’s a job in itself! My older two are great about getting up and ready on their own. I’m at work by 8:30 and right away I check emails and see what is on the calendar for the day, whether it’s programs at our office or I’m needing to attend a meeting, event or program outside of the office. This is a major part of my job, meeting new people and informing them about CX.

Around 3:30 I call home to chat with all four of my boys to see how their day went, if they need any help with homework and assign them their daily chores. My older two sons are a huge help in taking turns to pick up their brothers from school. {If they can’t then I will take my lunch around the time they get out and pick them up from school and either bring them back to work with me until I get off or drop them off at home with my dad or one of their brothers.}

We make it a point to sit and have dinner together as a family no matter what! It can be over take out, dinner on the go or us sitting at the dining room table. It’s the important part of our day that allows us to catch up on each other’s lives and know what is going on. We live busier lives now that I work and they are involved in so much.

Most nights one of my sons has either soccer practice, soccer game or an activity that we need to attend. If help is needed with homework we fit that in as well. Showers are usually on a nightly basis with four boys! This process begins around 8:30 and works its way to bedtime which is somewhere between 9:30 and 10 for my younger two. My older ones have a rule they follow, they can stay up as late as they want as long as they get up and are at school on time.

Once my younger two are in bed, I tend to the house whether it’s sweeping, vacuuming, mopping, starting the dishwasher or finishing the load of laundry I may have started that morning, ironing and anything else that may come up from living in a house with four boys and a dog.

And usually by 11 or midnight I’m ready for bed and start all over again the next day.

You have four sons. What’s the best part of being a boy mom?

There are so many good parts I could go on and on. My boys are all mama’s boys! I’m a tad bit overly obsessed with them. They are easy going, fun, happy, energetic, and loving and there is never a dull, boring moment in our home! Each one is different in their own unique way and I love it, I love being a mom to boys. I don’t have daughters so I don’t know what I’m missing out on, but I do have nieces and I can honestly say I don’t regret not having a daughter. {I have two boys that love shopping and shoes as much as I do so that fills that void!} Even at their ages they will still hug, kiss me good night and cuddle with me without feeling embarrassed.

Speaking of shoes, what is one product you couldn’t live without?

This is probably very silly but I have really thick hair and it is a pain to wash, blow dry and fix on a daily basis. I have had to find ways to ease the time. I even chopped off my long hair {total regret}! I’m a huge fan of Tresemme dry shampoo! If I don’t wake up at 5 a.m. I won’t get a shower in and that time in the shower is my time to re-energize and trust me I’d rather take a long hot shower than to spend that time on blow drying my hair. So I will go days without washing my hair thanks to dry shampoo!

What’s your best piece of advice for other working moms?

Being a working mom doesn’t make you any less of a mom. I have always commended working moms, especially when I was a stay at home mom. I was blessed to have that opportunity and I do miss it, but I also enjoy working too.

I have realized that I’m not super woman and finally coming to terms with it. I have missed field trips, school programs, class parties, being able to care for my sons when they are sick, not able to spend days off of school with them and I felt so guilty because I attended everything and was with them all the time in the past. My boys know that I am working and that it’s to better our lives. They have seen me as a stay at home mom and a working mom. I value the time with my boys so much more now because I’m not as accessible as I was before and thankfully my job is understanding of my family and putting them first.

As moms we shouldn’t be so hard on ourselves or other moms. Support each other, it’s not easy. It may look like we have it all together, but trust me we don’t. We are doing the best we can!

[tweetthis remove_hidden_urls=”true”]It may look like we have it all together. But trust me, we don’t. #workingmom[/tweetthis]

I’m on a quest to having it all. Do you think you have it all?

I felt I did at one time, but it was time to expand my “having it all” to something bigger. I feel like I’ll have it all once I know that my boys are happy, healthy, and successful and doing what they love. For me, then I know that I have done my job and I can then focus much more on myself and changing my definition of “having it all.”

What a strong, brave, hardworking woman! I learned so much from Katie about how us moms are constantly reinventing ourselves. {She also confirmed that a mom’s job is never really done!}

Want to be interviewed for #workingmomwednesday? Contact me to find out how.

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“Don’t be afraid to toot your own horn”

career and mom in kansas city

Q&A with Rachel Sexton

This week’s Working Mom Wednesday interviewee is no stranger to the spotlight. Rachel Sexton’s professional and philanthropic accomplishments have caught the attention of local magazines and news stations over the years.

According to her company profile, she’s been honored as one of KC Business magazine’s “Most Influential Women”; named a “Forty under 40” by Ingram’s Magazine; recognized as a “Rising Star” by KC Business magazine {where she rocked the cover photo}; selected as a “Next Gen Leader” and member of the 2013 class of “Women Who Mean Business” by the Kansas City Business Journal; chosen as one of KC Magazine’s Top 100 People of Kansas City; and recognized as a PharmaVoice 100 in 2014.

While proud of her {many} accolades and the hard work that got her there, Rachel is more concerned with serving others than talking about her own awards. As inspiring as she is to many, Rachel can usually be found telling stories about the patients, friends and colleagues that inspire her. Above all, her biggest honor so far has been the role of mom.

Self-promo time. Tell me what you do.

I run VPR POP, a company that creates patient-to-patient programs so people who live well with progressive or rare diseases can share health education and messages of hope with others who may be struggling with the same condition.

You’ve worked there quite some time. How’d you get started and what’s kept you there?

I started as a writer/producer fresh out of Journalism School at MU. I’ve stayed nearly 18 years because it’s so incredibly rewarding to work with people who have been handed a scary diagnosis but have chosen to live an empowered, purposeful life. It really puts it all in perspective.

If that wasn’t your gig, what do you think you’d be doing?

Move over, Kelly Ripa! I realized during J-School that I did not have the passion or hairstyling skills to work my way up the reporting ladder, but I could totally handle a glam squad, doting audience who would appreciate semi-boring stories about my kids and a parade of celebrity guests.

What is a typical day like for you?

Wake up around 7 with a baby in my arms {I’m a co-sleeping hippie}; thank God for a husband who is a morning person and gets the oldest 3 ready for school before I open my eyes {and brings me Starbucks on the weekends}; go to the office; take someone to basketball/soccer/tennis/ballet/drawing class/STEAM camp; go to a Junior League meeting or out for a run…then do a little dance, make a little love and get down tonight {or just watch some Bravo and go to bed}.

Tell me about a professional set back.

When I started at VPR, we were heavily focused on the advertising/marketing side of health care. When the economy recessed, there just weren’t as many dollars to go into those promotional tactics. Many companies that did what we did fell apart, but we forged a new path and branched into patient-to-patient outreach.

How’d that work out?

It’s the classic lemons to lemonade principal. We looked at what was truly important to the health care industry in this changing time – the patient – and how we could use our core strengths in communication and creativity, plus 30 years of knowledge, to develop something that would help educate and empower patients. The result was something better than we ever imagined.

Rachel Sexton on the cover of KC Business Magazine

Your resume includes VP {VPR}, President {Junior League} and even marathoner, not to mention mom! How do you juggle it all?

I’m glad you brought up the marathon. It was a HALF marathon and I only did one. I did well for a first race {1:47}, but it wasn’t worth it. Training for it was such a regimented approach to running vs. my usual practice of just getting out there after work and blowing off some steam that it actually took me a few months to enjoy running again after it was over. Which answers the question about juggling – I just DON’T do what I don’t enjoy. I don’t love to read, I don’t love to go to the movies, I don’t love to cook dinner. So I don’t. I love my job, I love volunteering and I love decorating birthday cakes. So I do. It gets a lot easier to juggle when you are salivating over everything on that full plate and not trying to pick your way around the icky stuff.

[tweetthis]I don’t do what I don’t enjoy #priorities[/tweetthis]

So do you ever find time to relax?

I hate relaxing, but I do love recharging. Nothing motivates me more than hanging with smart, witty women who lift each other up. I am so lucky to know so many who inspire me with their accomplishments between the KC Business Journal’s Women Who Mean Business, the Junior League of Kansas City, Missouri and my incredible girlfriends.

How has your professional life changed since having kids?

Over the past 10 years, I’ve learned to work smarter but not longer. I used to liberally apply this sentiment to tactical execution: “it will take me longer to teach someone how to do it than to do it myself”. It was really an excuse for me to be a control freak and poor delegator. Once I had kids and had no choice but to share the load, I realized that I was far from the only one who could execute up to my standards and that I was much more valuable to my company when I wasn’t bogged down in the weeds and could focus more on strategic operations. It was a win-win that I might have never realized had I not become a mommy.

They say it takes a village. Who helps you with your kiddos?

My amazing mama who watches the kids at my house 4 days a week, my mother-in-law who watches them at her home the other day, and my husband who does more than his share of everything and doesn’t make me feel selfish for not pulling my weight.

Has there been a mom-moment you’ve missed that you regretted due to work?

Not one specific moment that keeps me up at night, but I know I have short changed a lot of experiences: from being back on email hours after giving birth to working on reports during family dinners to taking conference calls from Animal Kingdom, I’m definitely not always 100% present when I’m with my family. While my family is unquestionably my top priority, after putting 18 years into my career, it’s also one of my babies.

rachel sexton career mom kansas city
Rachel with her husband, Brian King and their four children: Will (10), Grayson (8), Kitty (4) and Bibi (4 months)

What do you hope your children take away from you working?

I hope when they look back, my career is just a side note – “oh yeah, and she did some great stuff at her office too.” I hope I instill my sense of humor, healthy habits and volunteer spirit in them more than my commitment to work. I’m the product of a stay-at-home mom and a workaholic dad. They were both incredible at what they did, and equally inspiring to me. As long as my kids are contributing to society, feeling fulfilled and not asking me for money, I don’t care if they raise a family, run a company or both.

What’s your best piece of advice for other working moms?

Surround yourself with women who validate and inspire you. There’s no room for a vampire who wants to suck the positive energy out of you or the Debbie Downer who wants you to wallow in mommy guilt with her. Whether it’s a volunteer organization, a mom’s group or a professional organization, there are lots of strong, positive women out there and they’re one of the best resources we have.

Also, PLEASE don’t be afraid to toot your own horn. We can’t afford to be humble or modest. Not only are you’re sharing a message that working moms can be successful, you never know when your accomplishments will inspire someone to take that leap outside of her comfort zone.

[tweetthis]Don’t be afraid to toot your own horn #proud #workingmom[/tweetthis]

Tell me about a goal that you’re working on right now.

I’m at an interesting point in my life: after 3 pretty intense years of Junior League leadership that have taken up a lot of my free time, I will become a Sustaining member of our 1,400 member organization this spring. The organization has invested so much into making me a leader and I feel a great hunger and a sense of responsibility to use those skills to benefit the community… but I’m not sure in what capacity. I’m open to ideas!

I’m on a quest to having it all. What does having it all mean to you?

I love your attitude. Too often I read articles about how it’s not possible to have it all or how the pursuit of it can ruin your life. NOT TRUE! For me, having it all means having a career I love, children and a husband who know I love them, giving back to the community and making “me time” to run and recharge with friends. If there was something else I wanted to pursue, I wouldn’t let my full plate scare me from doing it.

You’re right that we don’t have it all at once. “Can women have it all?” is a trick question. It’s like saying, “Can you have Mexican, Chinese, pizza and sushi?” Sure you can, just not all in the same night. Now, I’ve been to some sketchy Las Vegas buffets where you can make that vision a reality, but when you’re cramming it all into one meal, none of it is that enjoyable. With some realistic expectations, thoughtful planning and a solid support system, having “it all” is not only possible, but actually pretty delicious.

I want to sincerely thank Rachel for participating in this week’s interview. Not only did she make me totally hungry {Mexican food anyone?}, but I learned a lot about leadership and prioritizing.

Want to be interviewed for #workingmomwednesday? Contact me to find out how.

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My miscarriage story: I’ll always remember you

This Thursday is the due date of my miscarried baby.

When you’re pregnant, your growing belly is an obvious indicator for the people in your life to check up on you. How are you feeling? Getting any sleep? Are you ready?

But when you lose your baby, there’s no easy way for those closest to you to remember an important day is approaching.

For nearly a month now, I’ve felt nothing short of emotionally unstable. Even the quickest thought about my baby will leave me in tears.  I haven’t been sleeping well. I’ve felt anxious and ready for the due date to come and go, hoping that with it some of my grief will also finally pass.

I remember taking the pregnancy test at my parent’s house. I was dropping off my kids so my husband and I could go on a quick weekend getaway. I was bouncing around the bathroom just feet away from my entire family trying to keep quiet while I waited.

I remember smiling after registering the pink plus sign, and then feeling so proud of myself for keeping it a secret from my family while I said my goodbyes before heading out to pick up my husband from work and hit the road.

I didn’t tell him the entire three hour drive. I thought about it a million times, but this was pretty big news and I honestly wasn’t sure how he was going to react. The last thing I wanted was for him to drive off the road. While we had been talking about baby number three for a little while, we were intending to wait until our other kids were a bit older.

I remember his reaction when I turned down a margarita {my favorite} when we went out to dinner later that evening. I told him to drink up, because he was set with a designated driver for another nine months. He laughed. He asked if I was kidding. Then he shuffled between excitement and panic throughout dinner before settling on genuine happiness. It didn’t take us long to start throwing out baby name ideas.

I remember the first time I woke up and ran to the toilet to vomit. Just like my two other pregnancies, morning sickness came early and aggressively. I quickly got back on my anti-nausea meds that I was all too used to and settled into a routine of puking and rallying to head to work or chase my kids.

I remember my neighbor coming over after work with her two kids so that our children could play together and she could supervise while I lay on the couch trying not to throw up on myself. I was so happy that I had someone I could count on when my husband wasn’t home.

I remember when I stopped being able to make food for my family because the odor was unbearable for my pregnant nose.

I remember thinking it was amazing that my husband had to take care of our kitties’ litter box. It was a small consolation prize for all of the vomiting I was doing.

I remember when I called to make my first doctor’s appointment and found out that they no longer accepted our insurance. I was incredibly frustrated. This was my third child. The last thing I wanted to do was start over with someone new. What choice did I have?

I remember the doctor’s appointment like it was yesterday. It was my first time at a new OBGYN. It was supposed to be a 12-week check up. I was feeling pukey, but fine. Within the first few minutes of meeting me, the doctor had to give me the worst news of my life. At the time, I wasn’t sure if I felt worse for her or me.

I remember thinking how crazy it was that my husband had made accommodations at work to be at that appointment with me. He went to maybe three other appointments between our daughter and son, and most likely just for the ultrasounds. But for some reason, he was with me to receive the devastating news. I remember being so thankful that I didn’t have to sit in the room by myself. Or drive home.

I remember struggling to decide if I wanted the baby to pass naturally or if I wanted to have the procedure done. How was I supposed to decide something like that? What way would you like to lose your baby? Quickly or slowly? Risky or messy? I remember thinking that it was the worst day of my life. I felt sorry for myself. I finally decided to have the procedure. I wasn’t going to begin any sort of healing process with the baby still inside of me. I couldn’t change what had happened. I wanted to move on. My husband called the doctor for me and scheduled an appointment for the following morning.

I remember my three-year-old cuddling with me in bed. She cried with me and asked if she could touch my tummy and say goodbye to the baby. She told the baby she loved him. I’ve never been so amazed by my daughter – her maturity and empathy – as I was that night.

I remember not sleeping. I was scared for the surgery. I was nervous about something going wrong and thought of my two beautiful, healthy children being without their mom.

I remember being surrounded by women. My doctor, the nurses, the anesthesiologist. All women. Several of them grabbed my hand as if it to say they’ve been there. It will be okay. It was overwhelming.

I remember giving my baby a gender and a name. I talked to my husband about it. We understood that we both needed to grieve in our own ways and that naming our baby was a connection that made the loss more difficult for him. It made it easier for me, more personal, so I keep it to myself. It’s just between me and my baby.

I remember going back to my parent’s house after the surgery so that I could rest. Like my pregnancy, my miscarriage became incredibly public. Not because of any decisions I felt liked I’d intentionally made, but when you’re as sick as I am during pregnancy it’s pretty hard to keep hidden for long. Just days before my doctor appointment, I finally put our pregnancy out there on social media, but it was hardly news to anyone at that point. I sat in the dark in the guest room of my parent’s house composing an email to my coworkers. I shared the email on my Facebook page. It wasn’t news I wanted to share for my own benefit. I was trying to prevent an awkward foot-in-mouth moment for everyone in my life.

I remember going outside to play with my kids that afternoon when I got home. Surprisingly, my nausea and exhaustion subsided immediately after the procedure. I wasn’t pregnant anymore.

In the days that followed, I received hundreds of private messages, phone calls, emails and text messages. Dozens of women reached out to offer sympathy or even share their own miscarriage stories with me. Some I knew about and others were complete surprises. It was strangely comforting to not feel so alone. As my mom said, “it’s a really big club, but one I’d hoped you would never have had to join.”

I remember secretly wishing that people would stop saying things like, “God has a plan for you” or “everything happens for a reason.” The truth is, while I’ve attempted to console friends with those same cliches, I just wanted to feel sorry for myself. I wanted to be sad. And angry. And confused. I wanted someone to say, “this totally sucks.” I didn’t want any reasoning. An explanation wasn’t going to bring back my baby.

I remember thinking that life is uncertain. All of the plans we had made for the new baby over the months we knew about him shifted out of view. This lack of control gave me an inexplicable amount of courage; I quit my job the next week. {Something I had been thinking about for months but was too afraid to do until the timing was “right.”}

I remember the first time I brought up my miscarriage casually during a conversation with friends. I could see them growing uncomfortable, shifting eye contact or body language, not sure how to respond. But I still did it. It helped me to acknowledge what had happened.

I remember the first time I felt simultaneously happy and heartbroken. With each baby announcement or gender reveal photo that pops up on social media, my body aches a little bit and I wonder what if my baby’s story had played out like that. It’s strange when someone else’s joy can bring you joy and pain, but I’m getting used to feeling it.

I remember when I got to hold my neighbor’s new baby for the first time not even a month ago. We told each other we were expecting at the same time last summer. We were supposed to go through out pregnancies together, our babies’ births together and all of the milestones to follow. Except I won’t. Her son is healthy and beautiful and I am so happy for her. But it also reminds me that I am sad for me.

Throughout the last seven months, I’ve come full circle. I had stopped crying every day and now I cry every day again. In the months in between, there were even some days with the chaos of day to day life that I didn’t think about my miscarriage at all.

It really had gotten easier, but then my due date crept closer. The day that would remind me of the baby that I’d lost. The baby that I will always remember.

 

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“There aren’t enough words to describe how grateful I am to be a mommy.”

working mom Wednesday interview

Q&A with Jenny Matthews

I can’t tell you how honored I feel that I got to do today’s Working Mom Wednesday interview with Mix 93.3’s sweetheart, Jenny Matthews!

I ba rely know Jenny in real life {I met her in passing a few times years ago during my KC Weddings, SPACES and Ink magazine stint}. Yet, thanks to her bubbly and open personality on her radio show and as the occasional event emcee around town, it’s hard not to consider her a friend.

This is exactly what makes Jenny so popular with her fans. She shares her experiences with her listeners and then takes the time to get to know them, too.

Between our own shared stories of loss and her kick-butt dream job, I knew I wanted to dig a little deeper into Jenny’s working mom lifestyle.

You hardly need an intro in my book, but let’s start with some self-promo. What do you do?

I’m a wife and a mama of two. I’m also a radio personality at Mix 93.3, Monday – Friday 10am – 3pm!

What’s your all time favorite song?

This is hard because I have so many favorite songs. But, if I had to pick just one… only one… I would sayyyyy… oh gosh, this is tough… Where the Streets Have No Name by U2.

If radio wasn’t your gig, what do you think you’d be doing?

I feel incredibly lucky to be able to say that music/radio is my passion and going to work every day isn’t really like a “job.” It’s fun and it’s what I’ve always wanted to do! That said, I do have a secret dream job. I want to be the reporter outside of the courthouse for huge trials! I’m a trial junkie. I think I was a detective in a former life. Ha!

What is a typical day like for you?

Is my husband at home or traveling for his job? He travels a lot. On those days, I am running around like a crazy person from the minute my eyes open until the minute I lay down at night! When he’s home, it’s definitely a little easier. I am thankful he’s a hands-on-daddy.

My OCD comes in handy sometimes. I get as much done the night before as humanly possible so mornings are a little less hectic. But, even with that – mornings are always rushed and we are always at least 10 minutes behind schedule no matter how hard we try! Drop the kids at school, head to work to prep and catch up on all of the latest news and celebrity gossip, on-the-air until 3, rush to school to pick up the kids, run errands, dinner, prep everything for the next day, play with the kids, clean up, read to them – my favorite part of the day {I hope they always share my love of books}, put ‘em to bed and on a good day, head downstairs to our gym to workout.

Tell me about a time you messed up at work.

Oh, I mess up all of the time. Kinda stinks messing up on live radio because there is no erase button. It’s out there. No going back. I’ve really learned to not be hard on myself – just forget it, move forward and make sure the next thing out of my mouth is 100% better.

How has your professional life changed since having kids?

Having kids changed not only my professional life, but just about every other aspect of my life as well! You know what? I wouldn’t change a thing. I have cut way back on emceeing and appearances outside of my show. I just have to be a little more selective now because we are deep in the “birthday party circuit,” busy with kids’ activities and school functions. I am so, so super duper thankful for my work hours. I’m on the air the exact hours my kids are at school. I feel like I get to do it all and I never take that for granted.

You have several side gigs. How do you prioritize?

My family comes first. The rest manages to balance itself. I’ve gotten better at saying “no.” It took me a long time to stop being a people-pleaser. Once I started doing that? My life changed for the better!

You are so involved in the community. Do any organizations you support stand out as a favorite?

Kansas City Infertility Awareness Foundation is SO close to my heart. I was a board member for a while. Unfortunately, I had to give that up because my plate was overflowing and something had to give. I still emcee their events and will forever promote them because the work they are doing in Kansas City is awesome and needed.

You’ve always been very open about your own fertility struggles. How come?

My daughter, Julianne Faith {5} and my son, Miles Parker {3} are not only my biggest blessings, they are absolute miracles. My husband, Matthew, and I went through an extremely difficult three-year fertility struggle. I had six miscarriages {two of which were life-threatening ectopic pregnancies}. I put my body through just about every fertility procedure imaginable, many of which failed. Ultimately, it was our 2nd and 3rd rounds of IVF which were successful and gave us our precious babies.

There aren’t enough words to describe how grateful I am to be a mommy. It is even better than I imagined in those dark days of infertility. It was such a lonely road and at the time I was going through it, no one talked about it. I am a believer that we should use our struggles for the greater good. I started talking about it on the radio, social media and in my HerLife Magazine monthly article. I was blown away by the response. So many women are struggling with infertility. Too many. I knew that I had a voice in the community and it became so clear to me that I was supposed to use it for this purpose.

[tweetthis]I am a believer that we should use our struggles for the greater good.[/tweetthis]

To this day, I chat with listeners on the phone, email, Facebook – “counseling,” supporting and cheering them on as they desperately try to have a child. I’ve been there. I get it. Sometimes that’s all someone needs – to know they’re not alone.

They say it takes a village. Who else helps you with your kiddos?

When they were babies, we had a nanny come to our house every day while we were at work. Now, they go to an incredible school with the most amazing teachers! In the summer, a nanny helps us out. Outside of work, my husband and I don’t want to miss a moment with the kids, so we are guilty of not having as many date nights as we should and we rarely travel without them. We figure we’ll have lots of time for that when they get older and don’t think we’re as cool as they do now. Ha!

Has there ever been a mom-moment you’ve missed that you regretted due to work?

I keep using the word “grateful,” but that’s how I feel about my boss. He has kids. He gets it. And, he knows the journey we walked to have our kids. He knows it would break my heart six different ways if I had to miss a school program, class party or field trip. So, typically, I get to go to almost all of those things!

What do you hope your children take away from you working?

I think it’s important for my kids to see me still being “me.” They know that they come first. They know that they are the best part of every day for me. I literally tell them that on a daily basis. But, I think it’s cool that during our time apart every day, they are establishing a little world of their own. They are independent. They are social. I think we all appreciate each other more because of it. I also want them to be proud of their mom someday. That maybe she made a difference in their community.

What do you do to relax?

Relax… remind me again what that means?! I don’t have nearly enough down time and my mom reminds me of that during every catch up session. She’s right. But, again, I know someday I will long for all of this chaos!

Working out and cleaning are actually incredibly therapeutic for me! I love to read. My favorite way to chill is to sit outside on a warm day and just immerse myself into a great book.

What’s your best piece of advice for other working moms?

Don’t let anyone make you feel guilty for it. You are either working because you need to or because you want to. Either one is ok. I’m actually open to any advice anyone might have for me as a working mom. Bring it on, because I’m winging it!

Too funny you mention that, because I just wrote about winging it last week! I’m on a quest to having it all. Do you think you have it all?

I’m almost scared to say that I think I have “it all” because I’m an anxious and superstitious person! But, yeah, I can honestly tell you that at this very moment, I do feel like I have it all. My family is in good health, we have food on our table and I’m doing what I love every day at work. That’s not to say life doesn’t have its challenges. But, for this moment, I can say that I’m really happy and… there’s that word again… grateful.

If you don’t already spend your midday listening to Jenny, check her out on Mix 93.3 on weekdays from 10 a.m. – 3 p.m. I highly recommend The Fit Mix with Jenny and the Synematix at 1 for a post lunch jam sesh.

Want to be interviewed for #workingmomwednesday? Contact me to find out how.

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Do you ever feel like you’re just winging it?

winging-it

It’s March! While Kansas City may be susceptible to a later-than-desired snow, spring is definitely in the air. {My tulips are already popping up!}

This is my absolute favorite season of the year.

Maybe it’s because the flowers and trees come back to life with beautiful colors and smells that are so welcomed after feeling cooped up indoors all winter.

Maybe it’s because both of my springtime babies {who are no longer babies} are celebrating birthdays in the next few weeks.

Or maybe it’s because after two months of my new work-from-home life I’ve finally settled into a bit of a routine and am ready to start expanding my business.

Whatever the reason, I’ve decided to dedicate this month to all things growth.

Last week I had the pleasure of sipping green juice with the owner of Hello Big Idea. Ashley is one of the newest local small business owners to join up with Femfessionals Kansas City and I was excited to get to know her better.

As we shared our personal and professional journeys with one another, what kept weaving in and out of our conversation was doubt.

I told her about my insecurities with my new solopreneur gig, my fear that no one was going to read this blog that I cared so much about, and my frustrations for not having everything perfectly figured out already.

I don’t know if she meant it or was just trying to make me feel better, but she said something that really resonated with me.

She said that we’re all just winging it.

[tweetthis]We’re all just winging it. #truth #solopreneur [/tweetthis]

Sure, we can plan. We strategize and make goals. And then we look at what someone else is doing and think they’ve got it all figured out and then question our own actions.

The problem with that is that we’re comparing our insides {our fears and doubts} to other people’s outsides {their well edited final product}.

But the more I thought about what Ashley said, the more I started to take a closer look at some of the businesses, blogs and people I admire and realized she was totally right.

You can call it trial and error. Or fake it ’til ya make it. But the truth is the same; we’re all totally winging it until we make something stick.

But if you’re an off-the-charts Type A personality like me, how can you take control of your doubt and make sure that “winging it” still leads to growth?

Surround yourself with people you trust

Since I started working from home I’ve realized that I miss those moments where you can easily bounce ideas off of one another like in an office environment. I knew I’d need to establish {and cultivate} relationships with people whom I trusted and had the knowledge to help me grow.

I have a mentor who gives me great, honest feedback. He doesn’t always tell me what I want to hear, but I trust his advice and it plays an important role in how I make decisions about my business.

My husband is my biggest fan. I can have a complete breakdown about anything and he is there to talk me through it. There isn’t any judgement, just support.

The thing that my husband and my mentor have in common is that they both really want me to succeed. So when you wing it, don’t ever fly solo and make sure your people want the same things for you as you want for yourself.

Know where you want to go

While winging it may imply that you have no idea what you’re doing, you should at least know where you’re headed. You may deviate along the way or maybe the route you chose will land you in a totally different place altogether {maybe one you didn’t even know existed}.

Having a child, changing careers, starting a business all involve venturing out into the unknown. This is why we start to doubt ourselves. If you know where you want to go – raise a family, work for a non-profit, be an entrepreneur –  then even if you’re just winging it, at least you’ve decided to take action!

Get out of your own way

Sometimes the only person holding you back is you. It may be fear. It may be intimidation. But sometimes getting started is the hardest part. If you’ve got your people and your roadmap, then it’s time to let go of the doubt and quit getting in your own way. You have really big plans for yourself. I can’t wait to watch you grow!

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“It’s okay to do things for yourself”

Working mom Wednesday

Q&A with Michelle Henderson

I’ve only met Michelle Henderson in person once. She came to the February Femfessionals event after learning about our community from another member’s post on Instagram.

Besides being gorgeous {jealous} and fit {double jealous}, she’s clearly a go-getter. One of the first things I learned about Michelle is that she simultaneously began a new career and welcomed her first baby in the last few months.

I was both awe-struck at her ambition and curious about how she was doing three months in to her new endeavors. Meet new mom turned Realtor in this Week’s Working Mom Wednesday.

Welcome to The Free Mama’s Working Mom Wednesday, Michelle! Tell everyone what you do.

I am a real estate agent with Keyzio – a local startup brokerage. It is such a cool company and they are doing really exciting things in real estate from new technology to challenging the conventional pricing structure {cheaper!} all while offering premium service.

You mentioned this gig was new. What else is on your resume?

I worked at an event planning company buying gifts for incentive trips for the past couple of years. I have also done pharmaceutical sales, interior design and marketing.

What prompted the job change this time?

When I found out I was pregnant, I knew immediately that an 8-5 wasn’t going to make sense for me. My husband travels a ton and I needed way more flexibility and to be able to set my own hours.

If real estate hadn’t worked out, what would you be doing?

A friend, Ashley Kappelman, and I started Damage Control and it is all about the pursuit of wellness with a glass of wine in hand. We post recipes, workouts and, of course, wine on our Instagram account (@damagecontrolblog). We have big dreams to create a wellness experience in Kansas City in the future so stay tuned!

What is a typical day like for you?

Every day is definitely different but generally it involves cooking and eating breakfast with my husband {I love that we both work from home!} and then squeezing in work during nap times on the days that I don’t have childcare. On the days that I do have childcare, I generally will have a client appointment and get a workout in. Oh, and a lot of pumping.

They say it takes a village. Who else helps you with your son?

My husband and I are both from Oklahoma and almost all of our family is back home. I would give anything to have my mom or his mom here. Thankfully we have some cousins in town who are willing to help out and our friends are like family – we would be lost without them!

What has been the best part of motherhood so far?

The gummy smiles! I was just telling my husband that I don’t want him to get teeth because I will miss those smiles!

On a scale of 1 to 10, how sleep deprived are you these days?

Let’s call it a 5. Though I will say it isn’t as bad as I expected it to be. I think I slept more after he was born than at the end of pregnancy. That was a rough few weeks!

What did you not know about parenting that you wish someone had told you?

How hard it would be. People kind of tell you but they talk more about the exhaustion or the fussiness. No one really mentions that you won’t feel like yourself {still waiting!}, the sheer fear you feel when your husband goes out of town for the first time, or that you will question every decision you make, always wondering if it’s the “right” one.

What is your favorite part about being a working mom?

It helps me feel more like my old self, which makes me a better mom.

What’s the hardest part?

The scheduling. It’s a nightmare. Last minute appointments come up all the time and figuring out the logistics can be hard.

What do you hope your child gains from you working?

I hope he learns to go after what he wants out of life, whatever that may be and that it is ok to do things for yourself.

[tweetthis]”It’s okay to do things for yourself” #momtruth[/tweetthis]

What keeps you sane?

Working out, wine and my husband – he is pretty good at talking me off the ledge.

What one product or service do you love so much you could be a brand ambassador?

Class Pass – genius idea. It allows you to visit most boutique fitness studios in the KC area four times a month for $79. Now if they could just figure out the childcare situation…

What’s your best piece of advice for other working moms?

Hire out what you can so you aren’t spending the limited time with your kids cleaning or doing yard work. And HyVee grocery delivery…game changer!

I’m on a quest to having it all. Do you think you have it all?

Having it all to me is working part time – it is definitely the best of both worlds. I am still working on the right balance, but I am headed in the right direction!

 

Whether you’re looking for help with your next home purchase or sitting back and perusing Instagram, be sure to hook up with Michelle at @keyzioinc and @damagecontrolblog.

Want to be interviewed for #workingmomwednesday? Contact me to find out how.

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Leap Day: 24 things you should do with your extra 24 hours

How often do you claim to be too busy to take on a new project at work, join another committee, meet up with a friend, indulge in a pedicure, or even just finish simple household chores?

I know I’m guilty of dropping the “I don’t have enough time” excuse more often than I’d care to admit.

But that’s exactly what it is: an excuse. The reality is that we do make time for the things that we value the most at the moment.

What we really mean when we say “I don’t have enough time” is that the thing we’re too busy to do simply isn’t a priority.

We’ve all wished for just a few more hours in the day, but have you ever thought about how you’d spend that time if you actually had it?

Well, every four years we get our wish on February 29. Leap Day quite literally boosts our year with an extra twenty-four hours. Are you making the most of your bonus day?

Here are 24 things I’m going to do today that in a typical 365-day calendar year would probably fall off of my to-do list. {Hint: saying, “I don’t have enough time” isn’t one of them.}

[tweetthis]What would you do if you had more time? #leapday[/tweetthis]

1. Wake up early

If I’ve got an extra 24 hours to get things done, I’m certainly not going to waste it sleeping. As my husband would say, “Carpe Diem.”

2. Meditate

If you know me, being still and quiet takes some serious focus. It means clearing some time in my schedule when I can be by myself. While I rarely create time and space for this, the reality is that it leaves me more calm and more creative.

3. Research a house project

Neither my husband nor myself are super handy when it comes to housework, plus it would take us triple the time it would take a professional. So for today, I’m going to prioritize which project needs to come next {likely freshening up our exterior paint job} and start researching the man {or woman} for the job.

4. Listen to a podcast

I love Podcasts. I think it’s a great way to sneak in some professional development. If I’m honest, I actually do this most days anyway, but I’m typically multitasking while I listen {either cooking dinner or jumping on the elliptical}. Today I’m going to sit back and relax while I check out this new podcast a friend recommended.

5. Read a book

My husband loves to read. He works much longer hours than I do outside of our home. Then he has to pay bills, take out the trash, help with bath time, play with the kids, fix the broken toys, etc. when he gets home. But he always makes time to read. Because for him, it’s a priority. I, on the other hand, am the worst at making a date with a good book. I’m going to snuggle up with a new read {it was a Christmas present I have yet to begin} with my extra 24 hours today.

6. Go out for lunch

I’ve always been guilty of eating lunch at my desk. While this is a habit I will likely return to tomorrow for productivity’s sake, today I’m heading out to a restaurant and fully intend to enjoy my time away from my computer.

7. Put laundry away

Based on conversations with other moms, I’m doing okay in this category. Regardless, my lag time from dryer to laundry basket to dresser drawers is still about 1.8 days. Some families do just fine ditching the drawers altogether, but this mom is going to set aside some time to put the laundry away while the kids are at school.

8. Enjoy a cup of coffee outside

If you live in Kansas City, you know the weather has been absolutely gorgeous lately. With another cold front on the way; however, this morning I’m going to soak up the sunshine with a cup o’ joe on my back deck.

9. Take a bath

I love to take baths, yet I probably only do it a handful of times a year. Maybe it’s because our children use our bathtub and so it’s filled with toys and God knows what else, but today I’m going to light a candle, grab a glass of wine and relax with some bubble bath.

10. Drink a glass of wine

See No. 9. {Sauvignon blanc, please.}

11. Light a candle

See No. 9. {I usually only light a candle when we have company coming over and I want our house to smell cleaner than it really is.}

12. Support a cause

I mailed a gift to a local charity that’s close to my heart. It wasn’t the hands on approach I wish I’d planned for today, but having worked for a not-for-profit, I know that every gift matters.

13. Call a friend

I got a jump start on this over the weekend, but plan to follow up today. If you have a friend who lives in a different city than you, it’s time to pick up the phone and call them. Leave a voicemail. Follow up with an email if you need to. Just remind them how important they are in your life with something a little more personal than an emoji text or Facebook post like.

14. Stretch

Whether I pop in a yoga video or just do some simple stretches, this activity brings me the same calming benefits as meditation while making my body feel stronger and more bendy. While stretching is something I know is good for my body, it almost always gets overlooked.

15. Throw a dance party

Kind of like the podcasts, this is something my family does almost everyday anyway. We love to turn up the music and just be silly together. It gets us moving, interacting with each other and having fun. Every family should throw a dance part every single day!

16. Give a compliment to a stranger

The great thing about making other people feel good about themselves is that it has the powerful ability to make you feel better, too. I plan to fill my extra 24 hours with a lot more warm and fuzzies.

17. Take a different route

Driving down the same road everyday is incredibly mundane. My children’s school, dance class and grandparent’s house are all down the exact same road. Today I’m going to switch it up, even if it takes a bit longer. Plus, it’s actually good for your brain to take different paths!

18. Paint my nails

I don’t typically splurge on pedicures. The problem is that I also rarely take the time to properly self groom. With spring just around the corner, I’m going to spend some time polishing my piggies before someone notices the same coat of paint from the last time I wore sandals.

19. Try something new

I’m not exactly sure where I’m going to squeeze this in today {maybe I’ll order something I’ve never had before at my lunch out today?!}, but getting this extra time seems like the perfect opportunity to try something new.

20. Plan a vacation

I have a jump start on this one. My husband and I are heading to California this May for a close friend’s wedding. The plane tickets have been bought, but that’s about it. Oh, and we’re flying out of a completely different state than we’re flying into. Road trip! Time to start working through some of those details…

21. Learn about my city

Kansas City is an amazing place to live. Because I’m from here, I’ve always told my coastal friends what a great city we have here in the “flyover states,” but the truth is that I’ve only experienced a fraction of what KC has to offer. I’m going to spend some time researching my hometown and plotting our next date night or family outing.

22. Get involved

That’s right. This blog post started with me saying how busy I am, but I’m going to get more involved. Let me explain. My husband and I joined the Kansas City Chamber last fall, and I’ve only been to one event. What a waste! As an overly involved individual, I should know first hand that you get out of any organization what you put into it. It’s time to get involved.

23. Get ahead

I love to-do lists. I’m going to pick something that I hadn’t planned to work on until later this week and tackle it today. Man it feels good to get ahead!

24. Reflect on the day

I’m excited to find out if any of these activities make such an impact today that they stop being something I’m too busy to do moving forward.

Well, I’ve got a lot on my plate so I better get started. I want to know, how do you plan to spend your extra 24 hours today?

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“Typical days begin with coffee and end with wine”

moms who work

Q&A with Erin Gregory

I knew all about Erin Gregory before I even met her. The company I was working for at the time partnered with her then-boyfriend’s {now-husband’s} PR firm. He was clearly smitten with this smart woman with a southern accent and clever sense of humor.

When I finally met Erin I could immediately see what all of the fuss was about. She’s genuinely kind, a great people-connector and incredibly talented in all things Communications.

Now that we’re both moms who work, and living on opposite sides of the city, our paths seldom cross these days. {I did babysit her daughter once on New Year’s Eve when I was pregnant with my son and clearly not going anywhere fun. I can also count on bumping into her at least once a year at the Junior League‘s Holiday Mart.}

Maybe it’s her southern charm working its magic on me, but I knew I wanted to reconnect with her through these #workingmomwednesday interviews and inquire about her exciting career and the beautifully busy life she’s built with her family.

Welcome to The Free Mama and thanks for playing along in this week’s Working Mom Wednesday 🙂 Let everyone know who you are and what you do.

I’m a wife, mom, stepmom, daughter and friend and get paid to do what I really enjoy (communications and public relations work) at a cool company – AMC Theatres. I’m manager of corporate communications there.

Before that you worked with your entrepreneur hubby. What was that like?

It was the perfect fit at the right time to have it all, per say – I worked full-time, with a great balance between at-home and meetings with clients, and had lots of flexibility to be able to pick up and drop off my daughter at preschool, spend more time with her in the evenings when she was little and attend all of her preschool celebrations and activities. This balance and flexibility was really important to me when my daughter was so young.

What prompted the job change?

In the 13 years I’ve lived in KC, at whatever level I was at in my career, there have only ever been a couple of openings at AMC; when I saw one, I was immediately intrigued and had to learn more. Turns out, it was an incredible opportunity and great fit.

I’m assuming you’ve become a bit of a movie buff then. What’s the best film you’ve seen lately?

Spotlight had me on the edge of my seat, and the acting was really captivating. I enjoy taking my daughter to every kid movie, and she’s spoiled by AMC’s red recliners.

If PR wasn’t your gig, what do you think you would be doing?

I’d probably be a counseling psychologist.

That doesn’t surprise me at all. You’re so involved in the community and constantly helping people; how do you manage your busy schedule and still find time to give back?

It’s a priority, and one that has shifted up or down at different times in my life. I try to focus on organizations or causes where I can make an impact and that are close to my heart and ones that allow me to work alongside the best and brightest {and most fun} people from whom I can learn.

What is a typical day like for you?

Typical days begin with coffee and end with wine. I’ve gotten back into working out a few mornings a week, which really helps kick-start the day and calibrate my mind. At work, it could be a day focused on projects at my computer or one spent mostly in meetings or catching up with colleagues on ideas and projects. We have family dinner at the table most nights – could be something in the Crock-Pot, or if I’ve not planned ahead stuff from the freezer or cupboard paired with a fruit and vegetable. I also read to my daughter most nights I’m home, a favorite way to wind down and enjoy time with her.

[tweetthis]”Typical days begin with coffee and end with wine.”[/tweetthis]

What keeps you sane?

Coffee, wine, exercise, mindless TV, travel, prayer, my friends and most importantly, my husband.

You also have two step children. Tell me how you all spend family time.

With two teenagers and a 5-year-old, this varies from board games or movies at home to afternoons at a park. We like to be on the go and check out all the family-friendly fun KC has to offer, and we like to expose the kids to these things – the Nelson, Plaza Art Fair, KC Parks events like Ethnic Enrichment Festival and Santa’s Wonderland, Mavericks games, etc.

Has there been a mom-moment you’ve missed that you regretted due to work?

Yes, and I think moms just have to accept it’ll happen. I was out of town for a theatre opening that was both exciting and important for me at work, and unavoidably it coincided with my daughter’s preschool Christmas program, and her last one, to boot. Thank goodness for modern technology and sweet friends who took lots of photos so I could feel connected.

It definitely takes a village. Who helps you with your kiddos?

We’re fortunate to have supportive, awesome, hands-on grandparents – sadly, my parents are in Tennessee, but my husband’s live nearby. It also helps to have a great babysitter or two and neighbor-friends who don’t mind helping in a pinch.

What do you hope your daughter takes away from you working?

I hope she sees an example of both hard work and education and seeking the opportunities to apply those in a way that brings personal fulfillment, professional growth and my own contribution to the household income. I also hope she’s gaining her own sense of independence and blazing her own trail in life. I hope she knows that I miss her {most} every day and cherish our “stay-at-home day” playtime.

What’s your best piece of advice for other moms who work?

Do what you want to do – don’t let someone else’s choices, opinions or norms dictate yours. A one-size-fits-all approach for what is important or functional for one mom or family isn’t reasonable.

I’m on a quest to having it all. Do you think you have it all?

Good question! I trust my own female intuition and mom instincts in trying to achieve balance. Sometimes that balance feels out of whack – too much time spent here or needing more time there…I think needs and priorities shift as far as how big each piece of the “it all” pie goes. We might not have to make sacrifices, but we do have to make choices and to own those choices.

Don’t just take Erin’s daughter’s word for it, you too can experience the cozy red recliners at an AMC near you.

Want to be interviewed for #workingmomwednesday? Contact me to find out how.

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Balance doesn’t mean perfect

balance doesn't mean perfect

Yesterday I realized that all month I’ve unintentionally been blogging around the same theme: not being so hard on myself.

Maybe it’s because my house has been decorated with store-bought Valentines that remind me February is about love. Or maybe it’s because my children have been sick for what seems like months and so I haven’t been my usual productive self. {Note: Daphne is home sick today as I write this!}

Whatever the reason, I have obviously been struggling to find a balance between my new business and my family lately. As a result, I’ve felt the need to compensate my shortcomings with a little personal TLC.

For some of you, that may mean a pedicure or a new outfit. But if you’re like me, it may be simply acknowledging that you’ve done your best, abandoning the critical voices in your head, and feeling grateful that tomorrow you get to try again.

Then today I came across this quote while reading an article about momtrepreneurs:

Balance doesn’t mean perfect.

Wow! For someone who can be incredibly hard on herself {ahem}, this really hit home.

It’s so easy to compare ourselves to other women. When we look through the social media lenses at others it often leaves us with an unrealistic {and often unattainable} version of how perfect their lives must be. In turn, we harshly criticize our own flaws when we aren’t fulfilling this “perfect” version of ourselves.

Last time I checked, I’m far from perfect. I snapped at my husband. I let my daughter watch too much television. I didn’t clean up the cereal my son managed to dump out in every room in our house. I forgot to feed the cats. I was late to a meeting {which never happens}. And that’s just what I recall from before 2 p.m. today.

As moms, I’m sure we can all agree that we make mistakes all the time. We are imperfect. We don’t expect everyone around us to be flawless, so why do we expect it from ourselves? I’ve frequently told my friends that the best part of having toddlers is that they’re so forgiving {and it doesn’t hurt that their memories aren’t always stellar}. I almost enjoy the moments when I take my daughter aside and tell her that mommy was wrong and she’ll do better next time. I want her to remember those times so that she learns to take ownership of her own bad choices, too.

This got me thinking. Why do moms, especially working moms, talk about balance like it too is an unattainable thing, just like perfection is?

Why are we pursuing a work-life balance?

What is balance?

Balance is the ability to move or remain in a position without falling. It implies shifting, wobbling, wiggling and sometimes, yes, even staying still. What better metaphor for taking on all of the ups and downs and back and forths that both a career and a family bring?

I envision a woman walking around trying to balance a bunch of books on her head {stay with me here…}. She has her “work” book. Her “family” book. A book for friends, her hobbies, her guilty pleasures. Each book is a different size and different weight. Sometimes new books have to be added to the stack and sometimes books fall off. And that’s okay, too.

A work-life balance isn’t a destination; it’s about how we walk through life balancing books on our heads. Balance has nothing to do with perfection at all.

Maybe it’s because I’ve committed to going easier on myself this month, but when it comes to balance I think I’m doing a pretty good job. I spend quality time with my family every single day; some days more than others, of course. I invest in my work through business development, strategy creation and client relations, which brings me professional satisfaction and a sense of accomplishment. I make efforts to connect with my friends, schedule date nights with my husband, and I even try to squeeze in some time for exercise these days.

I see balance as carrying your favorite books with you {not worrying about how many books everyone else has} and doing your best not to drop them.

And even if you do, load the important books right back on top of your head again. Shift, wobble, wiggle or even stay a little more still this time until you regain your balance. Then be grateful you get to try again tomorrow.

After all, balance doesn’t mean perfect.

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Working Mom Wednesday: I wanted to be a mom, but I also wanted a career

Working Mom

I can’t tell you how many times a week I have an “it’s such a small world” moment, especially living in Kansas City. Well, that’s exactly what happened the first time I met working mom, Mary Moore. First, we realized we had a mutual friend. Then, we put together that we’d actually met before – probably more than once – at the birthday parties of another friend’s sons.

Mary and her husband Tim could quite possibly be the coolest people I know. They are both hilarious, genuinely kind, and super fun. Like, there is no way my husband and I could possibly hang with them, fun.

But one of the things I find most intriguing about this couple is their family dynamic: Mary is a career woman and Tim is the primary caregiver. While there is no doubt that there’s been a huge increase in the number of stay-at-home-fathers {16% and rising}, it’s still often presumed to be mom’s gig.

I couldn’t wait to interview Mary and find out how this arrangement works for her.

TFM: Self-promo time. Tell me what you do.

Mary: I’m the Director of Marketing and Business Development for Pulse Design Group.  Pulse is an architecture firm that focuses solely on healthcare design. Very niche, specialized market. Been there almost a year. Love it!

TFM: If you weren’t doing that, what would you be?

Mary: I’d be independently wealthy and sitting on a beach somewhere. Obviously. But…when I lost all my money on a risky bet, I’d rehab furniture. I love reviving ‘drab into fab’ as they say.

TFM: That sounds like a dream. The beach part. Now, you’re in a unique–but growing–role of being the breadwinner while your husband is home with your three kids. What is that like?

Mary: Ummm….it’s freakin’ awesome and totally works for us. The role reversal wasn’t much of an adjustment for us and has been awesome for our family. I can scoot off to work feeling 100% comfortable knowing that my kids are in great hands. Something I was just never quite comfortable with in the daycare setting. If it can’t be me, I’m sure as hell glad it’s him. And sometimes, more often than not, I’ve realized that he does a better job than I do, or did, or would do. My husband totally rocks the stay at home dad gig and embraces it. I love hearing about his day when I come home from work and everyday is different. Today, the highlight of his day was taking ballet lessons from our four year old daughter. I have to admit, there are times when pings of jealousy run through me that I’m missing out, but I remind myself how lucky they are to have special bonding time with their dad. A time that they will always remember and remember fondly….at least that’s the hope 😉

TFM: I’ve met your husband; they’ll definitely remember 🙂 We know each day is different for dad, so what is a typical day like for you?

Mary: Typical? What’s typical? I’m a mother of three kids (age 6, 4 and 2), work full time, have a food truck business on the side, and sit on several boards of philanthropic organizations. Every day is different. Drastically different. Sure there are the norms of getting up and going to work, but what happens before, during and after are always different. That’s one thing I’ll say about having kids is there is never a dull moment. Never. And if there is, it’s usually a bad sign…..or so I’ve found to be true for us.

TFM: You mentioned that at times it’s hard not to feel a smidgen of jealousy for your stay-at-home hubby. Have you ever missed a moment in your child’s life that you regret?

Mary: Oh, hell yeah. Of course. Who hasn’t? I hate it. I’ll never get used to it but it’s part of life. I’ve missed a party at school or a field trip or two, but I make absolutely certain that I’m there for the main ones. Big or small, it doesn’t matter. I know my kids, and know when they really need me there. Sometimes it’s to be the room parent volunteer for a special event at school and I’ve been there. Sometimes it’s as simple as just playing chase or having some one on one time. It’s taking the time to make those things count, so that they know I’m there….even when I can’t {physically} be. I just have to balance it as best I can and be okay with the fact that I’ll miss things from time to time. Does it suck? Yes. Do I like it? No. But that’s just the way it is and I’ll drive myself bat shit crazy if I don’t constantly remind myself that I’m doing the best I can.

TFM: And the forgiving part about parenting is that no one expects you to do it alone. It takes a village. Who’s yours?

Mary: Should I name names? That list would be a mile long. We have help. So much help. We need help and aren’t afraid to admit it. Parenting is hard. Damn hard. Hectic schedules, a messy house, non-stop chaos, unruly toddlers, and the thought of trying to organize a date night seems like a huge feat. Luckily, we have help. We live in a super awesome neighborhood where there are lots of young families. We have all become friends. Good friends. One family became our business partners. We all walk right into each other’s homes without knocking and make ourselves at home. We watch each other’s kids. But ‘watch’ isn’t the right word. We are all a huge part of each other’s lives and help each other because we want to, not because we have to. It’s good to know that there are many sets of eyes watching over all the kids at all times. Other than the neighbors, our family helps us out a TON. Two sets of grandparents babysit often along with extended family members. We have a large network that is always willing to help. We would be screwed without them. Royally screwed!

TFM: So a divide and conquer approach. I love that. Is there any product or service you love so much you could be a brand ambassador?

Mary: Duct tape. Kids break everything. Duct tape fixes everything. Problem solved!

TFM: Creative! So what keeps you from losing your cool at home?

Mary: Wine. Chocolate. Then more wine. And my husband. He’s the best sounding board and the voice of reason. And he’s funny. Really funny and finds humor in everything. Even when there’s poop on the floor (which happens more than I’d like to admit-our 2 year old has learned to take off his diaper). It’s made life interesting as of late. But no matter what’s happening, there’s always laughter in our house. That keeps us sane. Oh, and more wine!

TFM: So now that we’re talking poop, what is your favorite thing about being a mom?

Mary: That’s a loaded question. Too hard to answer so I’ll give an example.  Recently my 6 year old son asked me to be his Valentine. Of course I accepted. Being a mom has its ups and downs, but being my kid’s Valentine is one of the greatest honors and privileges I’ve experienced in 32 (okay fine, who am I kidding, 37) years. Those special moments, even if they seem few and far between, far outweigh the sleepless nights, potty training struggles, terrible twos, etc. When your child asks you to be his Valentine, you know you’ve done something right. Being a mom is amazing. But it’s amazing because my kids are amazing. Of course I’m biased, but they truly are. But you asked about my favorite part about being a mom. It has to be those tiny moments in time when you see your child for the first time, when they catch your eye and smile at you from across the room while they are busy playing with a friend, when you watch them learn, see them being helpful or empathetic, playing with their siblings, developing new skills, and the list goes on and on. And did I mention when you get asked to be their Valentine? That’s a killer. God help me if he ever asks to marry me!

TFM: So sweet. I love my mama’s boy, too! Now, you have two sons and a daughter; what do you hope they take away from mom working outside of the home?

Mary: I hope they understand that I did it because I wanted to. I wanted to be a mom, but I also wanted a career. I like to work. I’m actually a better mom because I work. When I get home, I focus on them and we get quality time. I hope they learn that you can have both if that’s what you truly want.

TFM: What’s your best piece of advice for other working moms?

Mary: Do it. Embrace it. Own it. Let your children see that you are working and explain to them why it’s important. If you have to leave them, leave them for something that you love. Let them see you rock your career and achieve success. They may not quite understand it, but they know it’s important. And don’t beat yourself up about being a working mom. Be proud of who you are, what you do and that you can have a career and be an involved parent. It’s not an either/or.

TFM: I’m on a quest to having it all. What does having it all mean to you?

Mary: Man, that sounds great. Really great. Unfortunately, it probably doesn’t work for me and my family in the traditional sense. I work hard, damn hard. Long hours. Then I come home and continue to work-but it’s a different job. The mom job. I’m not much for fancy houses and flashy cars or “keeping up with the Joneses.” Why would I need to keep up with them? That’s too much pressure and for all I know, they’re up to their eyeballs in debt, on the brink of divorce and they don’t have strong bonds with their friends or kids….and likely as not, they’re probably jerks. Okay, that’s probably not fair, and I’m sure The Joneses are perfectly nice people, but I just want to work hard, provide a comfortable life for my family, spend time with them and be real. I don’t want to try be something I’m not. That’s too much work and really exhausting. I don’t need another reason to be exhausted. And when I go to bed at night with dishes in the sink, laundry piled high and a messy house {at least I cleaned up the poop}, I know my kids and my husband know that they are my world. So in that regard, I do have it all!

 

Remember that food truck Mary mentioned? Her husband Tim takes turns operating Pie Hole with co-owner {and fellow stay-at-home-dad} Chris Knowles. This daddy-duo has figured out job sharing for care givers turned entrepreneurs. On top of everything else on her working mom to-do list, Mary does their marketing. Bravo, team!

Want to be interviewed for #workingmomwednesday? Contact me to find out how.