It’s super hard to write a blog post when you’re crying.

I am feeling the feels right now, mama.

The house is packed up. The rooms all have that echo. I think about getting a glass of water wine, and then I walk in the kitchen and remember that the glasses are all in boxes.

We leave next week, and it’s not going to be easy to say farewell, Houston.

When we came here in 2016, it felt like we were trying to run away from everything in our life. We were tired. We were sick of being poor and in debt. We were exhausted in the way parents of toddlers are perpetually bleary eyed. We were tired of each other, but avoided having hard conversations. 

We were stuck. We couldn’t find any good options, and Houston felt like the only way out of the mess we had somehow made of our lives. 

And when we got here, things got worse before they got better. 

Our new house broke. 

We needed new tires. 

It rained. It poured. (Literally. Rain in Houston is insane.)

But we started doing the work.

We worked on our marriage together, and Justin and I each worked on ourselves. 

Audrey, our rainbow baby, was born.

The Free Mama was built within these walls. 

It’s like… we had to come here, to become this version of ourselves.

And now…

We leave soon, and it’s not going to be easy to go back to Kansas City.

Yes, there are so many wonderful things about this move. I am over the moon excited to be near my family again. 

But. 

In Kansas City, people know a different version of me. They know Lauren who worked at a regular job, Lauren who was tired and run down and afraid. 

They don’t know me the way you know me, and I gotta say, it’s a little intimidating to move back to a place where people have expectations. 

Moving back doesn’t mean moving backwards. 

I’m not going to unbecome The Free Mama — that’s who I am now. I get to take all of these wonderful, difficult, amazing moments and transformations with me. 

I’m not running away.

I’m running towards something even better. 

There’s still plenty of work to do, and I’m energized. I’m excited to wake up and start every day.

And I’m looking forward to making more amazing memories in Kansas City — and with you.

Farewell, Houston.

P.S. If you feel like you lack boundaries with your time, be sure to check out my latest blog post here

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