Get the pedicure

Last weekend was nuts.

I was pumping multiple times a day, working ahead on some projects for the following week, and trying to find clothes that fit my postpartum body to pack for an out of town event.

This work event just happened to be in Destin, Florida, and I desperately needed to get a pedicure for my soon to be exposed toes.

But I had a million other things to do and the thought of leaving my kids alone with my husband for even one extra hour before heading to the beach days later seemed so unreasonable.

This is a situation I’ve found myself in many times before.

I need to do the laundry, take the kids to get a haircut, go to the grocery store, finish client projects, sweep the floors, strategize some upcoming business initiatives, and clean the toilets…

Seriously, who has time to get a pedicure?

That really got me thinking.

I need to do so many things. {At least I think I do.}

But what about what I need?

In this case, a pedicure to bring my feet out of hibernation. But sometimes it’s lunch with a friend, time to exercise or just a quiet moment alone.

Why do we, as mothers, hesitate to do things for ourselves?

Mom guilt.

Surely it would look bad if I went a did something for myself before every tiny thing at home is wrapped up, right? I mean, I’m leaving town for crying out loud.

Except here’s the thing – the long list of to-dos is never really done. And by not taking care of numero uno, we just ware ourselves down with all of the other stuff. Even the flight attendants remind us before take off that we need to put on our own oxygen mask before assisting others.

Full disclosure: I’m writing this post from a 3 bedroom penthouse suite at a resort in Destin, Florida.

And I absolutely refuse to feel guilty about it.

Why?

Because it’s great for my personal and professional development.

I have a husband whom I trust completely with our three children.

Everyone will be alive and well when I return home. After a week, they won’t even remember I left in the first place.

And I would have a lot more regrets if I’d chosen not to attend.

So while I acknowledge that mom guilt is definitely a real thing, I’m also declaring it only as powerful as we allow it to be.

[tweetthis remove_hidden_hashtags=”true” remove_hidden_urls=”true”]Mom guilt is definitely a real thing, but it’s only as powerful as we allow it to be.[/tweetthis]

So before my trip, I decided to kick mom guilt to the curb in four easy steps.

It’s easier said than done, but stating that you refuse to let guilt take over is the first step. Like most things in life, it’s a choice.
Address why you felt it in the first place. For me, it was the idea of asking my husband to step up one more time right before leaving town.
Find a way around it and make your own reality. I could have filled my day with housework and packing, and then been upset about my ugly feet later. I could have resented my husband for “not letting me go” even though I’d never asked. Instead, I ditched the housework, waited until the older kiddos were napping {aka pretending to sleep while quietly destroying their bedrooms} and took the baby with me to the nail salon.
Give yourself grace. Did I get to every single thing on my list before heading out of town? No. But it’s been a week and I still haven’t. But I did give myself a pat on the back for doing something I normally wouldn’t have done for myself and for feeling really good about it. For the record, my toes look fabulous, the baby slept the entire time we were at the salon, and my husband barely noticed I’d left the house, let alone the remaining chores.

Mom guilt, be gone!

Who’s with me?

Go out and be an awesome mother, wife, colleague and friend. Just please remember to fasten your own oxygen mask first.

February 22, 2017April 25, 2018

When you’re done having babies

Dear mama,

You are done having babies.

I know part of you is really sad about this.

The oldest two are hardly babies anymore, and your newborn is no longer a newborn. Time sure seems to speed up with each child, doesn’t it?

You’ve breathed in every moment with this precious last one and I know you’ll continue to cherish these early years.

I know part of you is really sad about this, but I also know that part of you is a little relieved.

Pregnancy was never very fun for you. It’s okay to feel a little excited even now that you can kiss the days of constant nausea goodbye.

In fact, you can say goodbye to those maternity clothes, too. Sure, they were comfy, but they just remind you of back pain, heartburn and hovering over the toilet.

So go on. Find an expecting first-time mom and just give them to her with a knowing smile. The same way they were passed down to you.

And it’s okay if you’re not quite ready to get rid of any baby clothes just quite yet. You hold on to them as long as you need to. I know there will be times when you ache for the days of snuggling up with a newborn.

Just don’t get any ideas, because you are done having babies.

It’s almost funny to think about how quickly this all happened.

From the moment you got married, people have been asking when you’d start having kids.

As soon as you birthed that first sweet baby, those same well-meaning folks were asking when she’d get a brother or sister.

And then the questions stopped.

But your baby itch did not.

Do you remember when you started telling people you were pregnant with number three? They start to look at you like you’re nuts!

Today, you are officially outnumbered and yet your hands feel as full as your heart does.

And it feels good.

You truly feel as though your family is complete.

But just remember, while you’re done having babies, you have a lot more parenting to do.

Stay strong, mama.

February 10, 2017April 26, 2017

2016: The Good, the Bad, and the Beautiful

Have you ever started doing something – you thought about it a ton….you planned and planned – only to find yourself somewhere very different than where you thought you were headed?

That’s exactly what happened to me in 2016.

In December 2015 I quit my 9-5 a little terrified and a lot optimistic and set out to build that thing that would give me the flexibility to work when and where I wanted.

My motivation? More family time. My ultimate goal? Find a way to help other mamas do the same thing.

The Free Mama was born!

I rang in the New Year with a lofty task at hand, and I felt capable and confident that blogger status was where I was headed.

Within 6 months I realized that this profitable blog thing might take longer than I had anticipated. Naturally, my attention turned towards my digital marketing freelancing jobs, something that was making money.

I didn’t abandon my vision for the blog, but my time invested definitely fluctuated as I shifted my focus to ensure I was producing an income for my family.

As each day’s work morphed into something quite different than what I had originally set out to do, my family quite literally landed somewhere different when we unexpectedly moved to Texas over the summer.

And who can forget the added news of a baby on the way?

With so much changing in my personal life, this blog that I started because I wanted to support working moms while supporting my family quickly turned into cathartic diary entries.

And as it turns out, you like that!

People connect with people, and lucky for me they also connect with imperfect people living an imperfect life.

The feedback I’ve gotten through comments, emails, texts, and visitor stats are telling me loud and clear that I didn’t need to “advise” in the first place. I just needed to share my own journey.

That I can do!

As for the freelancing, something that started with a few small clients, has grown into a workload that is all I can handle without bringing on additional help.

I’m incredibly proud to have more than supplemented my previous full-time income in less than a year, all on my own. When I left my job, my goal was to spend more time with family, and working from home has definitely allowed me to prioritize each day exactly as I see fit.

I no longer feel like I’m compromising my kids for a career or vice versa.

And THAT is exactly why I started The Free Mama in the first place.

Maybe I didn’t land so far away from what I’d set out to do in 2016 after all.

The Good

2016 seemed to throw our family quite a few curveballs. But I’ve learned that with change, comes growth. And our family has definitely grown closer.

Change isn’t always easy, and we don’t always like it, but at the end of the day it’s like I tell my kids, “you have to wake up and choose to be happy. No one is going to do it for you.”

With that being said, there were a lot of pregnancy-hormone-filled days where I cried after our move. But as soon as I stopped feeling sorry for myself, I was able to focus on what was best for my family.

And what was best for the family was a sane mother.

First, I prioritized finding a support system and joined a mom’s group. Typically that wouldn’t be “my thing,” but friends weren’t just going to show up at my door step. I put myself out there and have formed friendships with women I already cannot imagine not having in my life.

It was also important for me to put some renewed energy into my business. Again, I had to put myself out there. I participated in networking events to meet some amazing professionals in the area, and found new partners and clients.

Trust me when I say it would have been much easier to stay home and keep crying, but it also would have been pretty miserable for everyone.

Not unlike their mom, our kids had to transition to a new place last year, too. But unlike their mom, they did so gracefully. Both are well adjusted, thriving in school and extracurriculars, and loving the warmer climate filled with park playdates with friends.

Justin is loving the flexibility and variety of his job. Although he travels occasionally, our family has spent more time together than we ever did back in Kansas City and I don’t take it for granted for a second.

We spent half of 2016 in Houston and now I can say it’d be hard to imagine our family anywhere else.

The Bad

Getting to Houston, on the other hand, nearly killed me. Buying and selling a home, packing and moving cross country to the hottest place on the planet in the middle of summer is stressful enough, but doing it while throwing up several times a day is downright awful.

But, if I had to sum up 2016 in one word, it would be “bills.”

Not only is moving pretty pricey, but the adjustment to being self-employed brought about health insurance premiums neither my husband nor I quite expected.

I love our sweet new baby to pieces, but she turned out to be a costly little thing. Emergency room visits. Anti-nausea medicine. Pre-term labor followed by two months of bedrest. Between the new state and the new year, we met multiple deductibles just to get her here!

That many bills aren’t just costly, they’re incredibly stressful.

While it may around the same time we pay off the hospital, I’m sure I’ll forgive her.

Eventually.

The Beautiful

There was plenty of ugly in 2016 that I could have written about, but I’d rather share with you something beautiful that I saw throughout the entire year, over and over again.

Motherhood.

Starting with this blog last January, I asked working moms to share their stories with me, to share with all of you.

Friends, acquaintances and even strangers generously donating their time to compose honest and meaningful contributions to my #workingmomwednesday features.

The peak of my morning sickness coincided with my husband’s move to Houston about a month before the rest of us. I was left to finalize things in Kansas City while caring for two busy toddlers.

I relied heavily on the generosity of the moms in our neighborhood to help me get through it. From watching kids so that I could pack, to picking me up orange juice, no favor was too big or too small for these thoughtful women.

When we finally reunited in Houston, I was exhausted and lonely. I joined a moms’ group to meet new people. These mothers have brought me treats when I was feeling down, visited me while I was on bedrest, and continue to deliver meals now that Audrey is here. I feel incredibly blessed for each of these friendships.

Without a doubt, however, the most maternal gesture of 2016 came from my own mother. When I was placed on bedrest at 32 weeks pregnant, she hopped on a plane to help my husband with the big kids. She put her life on hold for nearly two months to cater to our family’s needs without hesitation or complaint. I am forever in debt, and yet, as a mom myself I know I’d do the exact same thing.

It’s what moms do.

Motherhood is such a special thing, and it truly got me through the year in more ways than one. Not only do mothers take care of our own families, but we look out for one another with the same selfless spirit, as well.

So long, 2016

I may be a month behind on bidding the year adieu, but 2016 truly was one for the books. I launched a business, I turned 30, I moved cross country, and our family grew {well, my belly grew. Audrey missed 2016 by 7 days.}

And for the record, if 2017 could be a little less eventful, that would be okay by me.

February 8, 2017April 25, 2018

Welcoming my last baby

Unless you are personal friends with me on Facebook, you may be wondering where in the world I’ve been these last few months.

You know I was expecting and that my business was taking off. But to be gone for so long, because of a baby and some new clients?

I’ll have plenty to say on all of that later this week…

Today I just want to share with you all the feels over welcoming the newest addition to our family, our rainbow baby, and our last baby, Audrey Mae.

Yesterday this sweet little girl turned one month old.

And I cried all of the tears.

Such a milestone might not seem like that big of a deal, but for this mom of three, it’s huge.

When our oldest, Daphne, was one month old I was barely coming out of the new motherhood fog. Luckily, she was an easy baby, so most of our adjustments didn’t come with a side of sleep deprivation. Every day with this baby with new and exciting, because everything we experienced with her was a first.

After Henry arrived, the first few weeks were a bit chaotic, but the days of midnight diaper changes and on-demanding feeding with his sister weren’t so far behind us so it was a bit like relearning to ride a bike. This middle-child-to-be had plenty of firsts, too. It turns out, boys and girls are very different. By one month, we were finally starting to hit our stride with juggling two.

But with Audrey, things are different.

Because with my last baby, I won’t just be celebrating her firsts.

I’m also mourning the lasts.

Yesterday was the last time a baby of mine will turn one month old!

It’s so hard to believe, because I remember her being born like it was yesterday.

She decided she was ready in the early hours of the morning and woke me up. After a shower {clean!} and a quick bite to eat {fuel!}, we made it to the hospital.

We didn’t actually know that she was a she at the time. For our final love bug, my husband and I decided that since we were already equipped with the clothing and gear for a boy or a girl, we elected to keep this one a surprise {which ended up being much easier than this planner had anticipated, and totally worth the wait}.

I had a hunch this little nugget would be exactly what big sister wanted, another girl. For starters, I was extra sick this pregnancy which landed me in the emergency room, just like with big sister. The final icing on the cake was once we were admitted to the hospital, our L&D nurse’s name was Jacqueline, which was my front-running girl name going into the hospital. If that wasn’t a sign!

Dad refused to commit to a gender guess. {I think he just didn’t want to be wrong…}

I had already labored to the finish line by the time I was able to get an epidural, so within 15 minutes the doctor and nurses had flooded into the room for the big finish.

With the pain relief kicking in, I can truly say I enjoyed the delivery. It cracks me up now, but I was holding conversations with the people in the room between the three rounds of pushes until we finally got to meet our – surprise! – girl.

You know how when you get married everyone tells you to try to slow down and enjoy the moment, because it will go by so quickly? That is exactly what I did when my last baby was born. I noticed who was in the room and watched my husband as he gazed down at our newborn. I looked the doctors and nurses in the eyes and thanked them silently. Then I finally held my tiny creation, this amazing miracle I had grown and delivered into the world, and breathed in every ounce of my new daughter. And I cried.

After looking at our precious baby, we felt she was already our Audrey, as if she had named herself! Her middle name didn’t come quite as quickly. In fact, if it weren’t for birth certificate paperwork we may still be deciding!

Big sister’s middle name is her Godmother’s middle name, and big brother’s middle name is his grandfather’s name. Not wanting to stray from the family ties, we settled on Mae….my mother’s grandmother’s name and a true Matriarch.

In most mommy circles, “baby brain” is a real deal thing. And the more kids we have, the worse it seems to get!

I know I won’t always be so observant, so present to take it all in.

And unlike the firsts that seem to be so obvious, it’s easy to forget to slow down and cherish the lasts.

[tweetthis remove_twitter_handles=”true” remove_hidden_hashtags=”true” remove_hidden_urls=”true”]Unlike the firsts that seem to be so obvious, it’s easy to forget to slow down and cherish the lasts #lastbaby[/tweetthis]

Happy one month to my sweet girl, my last baby!

{All images courtesy of Haven Photography}

December 19, 2016December 20, 2016

12 mompreneur tips for thriving {not just surviving} during the holidays

Holidays are such a special time to spend with family and friends. I love the lights, the traditions, the food, and the extra time at home with my loved ones. Yet, just because my kids get off from school, doesn’t mean my business stops – or even slows down.

So I took to the experts…fellow business owners and mamas who juggle their careers and their kiddos….to ask what tips they suggest for not just surviving, but thriving while working from home during the holidays. Keep reading to find out what I learned!

Plan ahead & stay organized.

Schedule out your days! While the holidays can often throw routine into chaos, take the time NOW to actually schedule out what needs to be done and by when; don’t just make a “to do” list and expect it’ll get done. Just because there’s only a few days left in the year doesn’t mean it’s time to slack off; get ready to rock 2017!

-Amber, Thrifty Guardian and Embracing Temerity

Plan ahead! Make a schedule of play and working blocks, and have a few activities in your back pocket to keep the kids busy while you stay on your grind. Don’t forget to give your clients the heads up, too – send out an email outlining your holiday availability, noting any alterations to your office hours and reminding them of your preferred contact method.

-Resa, Eye Heart Creative

I use Trello during the holidays (especially my holiday gift and card planning board which helps me to brainstorm gifts and makes sure I’m mailing presents out on time.) I also use Trello to keep track of what is happening with my business and household, including recipes and meal plans, which takes a lot of stress off of me. Trello gives me confidence and allows the holidays to be more fun this year, since I’m in it all the time for my business anyway. It’s easy and fun.

-Dana Malstaff, Boss Mom

Find the time{r} to work with your kids.

Working with kids in the home is challenging. The one tip that keeps me focused and productive – and this has worked from 3 years old to the teen years – has been a timer and working in time blocks. My young children were able to watch a timer and keep themselves busy for 20 minutes in the other room while I did a deep focus block. I worked the way up to 45 minute blocks as they got older. I have found that with 2-4 focus blocks a day, I can conquer most of the heavy lifting.

– Cecily, Cecily: Nutrition, Love and Transformation

I use a pomodoro timer. I set it for 20 minute increments and I can only work during that time. No checking email, no social media, no attending to house work. You would be amazed how much you get done when the time is ticking…literally!

-Kristin, Pond Photography

During school vacations, I move my work from the home office to the kitchen. This way, I am literally running a command center within reach of everyone and everything we need. If there is a stretch of time coming up when I know that I need to be engaged with work, I try to have a ‘favorite’ on hand for the girls. Homemade play-doh is a double whammy, because we make it together which takes about 10 minutes, but then they have an open ended activity that – after a good raid of the junk drawer – can literally last hours!

-Jenna, Rodan + Fields Independent Consultant

Set boundaries for yourself

The holidays are my busiest season and I have to be very intentional about setting boundaries. When it’s Family Cookie-Baking Night, I don’t worry about Christmas shopping or work. When I’m working, I’m don’t feel guilt over the millions of Pinterest holiday crafts I could be doing with my kids. Peace is attainable if we fully engage in the task at hand and look for joy in the process.

– Jillian, Jillian Jones Music

Without a clearly defined schedule, it’s easy to lose yourself in work and totally miss out on family time. After all, isn’t the ability to be more present with our loved ones a big reason many of us work from home? Mark your off times in a calendaring system (I use Acuity Scheduling’s free plan) for your clients, put your hours on your website and in your email signature, and send your clients a note letting them know your hours. Block off personal time and guard it with your life. I promise, this Spring you won’t look back and regret having spent a little less time on your business and a little more with your kids during the holiday season

-Becky, Becky Mollenkamp, LLC

Take some time out for you. It sounds like a near impossible task with everything going on during the holidays, with work, the kids, and holiday commitments. Find some time to allow yourself to check out from your business, even if for a night after the kiddos are in bed, to Netflix binge, take a relaxing bubble bath, or enjoy a glass of wine to let your mind take a holiday, too!

-Britt, Home Sweet Hyatt

And finally, don’t forget what the season is really about….

The key to thriving in the holiday season is maintaining a place of rest and refreshment in your home for you and your family. Simply put, it’s about less stuff. In our culture we live and breathe a constant flash of discounts, sales, and good deals. And because of that, our homes can easily be filled with all of those things. Keep the season focused on enjoying your loved ones and experiencing life with them, let the new year ring in with memories, not overload of things that were accumulated through the month of December.

-Amy, Simplified Home

I think the holiday season is all about giving grace and savoring the moments. As working moms we need to really allow ourselves the opportunity to fully enjoy those memories we’re creating with loved ones, but it’s also a lucrative time for many of us professionally. Doing our best with what is truly important and forgetting the rest {for me it’s Christmas cards this year} is what makes thriving this season possible.

-Gwen, The Makerista

The holidays are all about spending time with loved ones and making good memories. My tip for working mamas is to plan what you can & let go of the rest. Plan/schedule out your work times and your fun times – be realistic knowing that you will want to let your hair down a bit in this season. Also, know that not everything will go according to plan, and that’s okay too.

-Veronica, Radiant Life Consulting

[tweetthis remove_hidden_hashtags=”true” remove_hidden_urls=”true”]12 mompreneur tips for thriving {not just surviving} during the holidays[/tweetthis]

What tips would you add to the list to up your efficiency while working from home during the holidays? Share them in the comments!

September 28, 2016September 30, 2016

“Unless you try, you’ll never know”

Q&A with Lainie Sevante Wulkan

When I had the pleasure of spending the day with Lainie Sevante Wulkan at the FemCity Day of Positivity a few weeks ago, I knew I wanted to pick her brain for tips for working moms.

Like most entrepreneurs, Lainie hardly fills her days doing just one thing. In addition to co-owning her company with her husband, she’s the President of FemCity Albuquerque, one of the largest chapters of the national female networking group boasting over 550. {If you’re not familiar with FemCity, check it out!}

Most recently she added author to her list of accomplishments with the publication of her children’s book, Finn’s Giant Leap. {I’m giving away an autographed copy on social media, so be sure to check out my Instagram and Facebook pages to enter to win. Your kiddos will thank you! Like Finn’s Giant Leap on Facebook while you’re at it!}

Self-promo time. Tell me about your business.

I’m a Media Executive and co-own a business called Cinder Cone Media Worldwide with my husband, Film Composer and Music Producer, Howard Wulkan. Cinder Cone is the umbrella for The LAB Recording Studios, Zeta Global Radio, an online conscious talk show with listenership in over 50+ countries, Cinder Cone Records, an independent music label with distribution via Universal and Cinder Cone Events, conscious global event productions that make an impact in the world.

If you weren’t doing that, what would you be?

I am SO in my passion with my business, it’s my second love next to my husband and two daughters. {Oh, and 9 pets.}

When did you know you wanted to be an entrepreneur?

I grew up with a single mom who primarily was a serial entrepreneur. She had everything from a clothing store, to antique shop to doing home jewelry parties {back in the day when direct sales weren’t even a home thing yet} and eventually direct sales with every product out there. Being self-employed was pretty much all I knew. I have had a few corporate jobs in my long career, but they’ve truly felt the most foreign. Helming the ship is definitely where I am most comfortable and feel the most free to be me.

What’s the best part of running your own company?

The best party of running my own company is being able to make my own schedule. I have a lot to juggle between my children’s activities, my pets’ needs, the business, and multiple travel schedules. Having the flexibility to work out my schedule as needed and even fit some “Me Time” in there is invaluable. There are those days where it’s like, “today is the day. I am getting a massage and buying a new toothbrush.” The freedom to do the simple things is so important to me. I’m accounted for by so many people – my family, my staff, our artists, our sponsors, our clients, the press, etc. It’s about the balance and finding the time management to handle it all with grace and know that I have the ability to say NO when needed.

Tell me about a time you failed in business and how did you overcome it?

Unfortunately, failures have occurred through my career. Yet, after wounds heal and reflection has allowed its time to bring greater awareness, failure truly does teach. Some of my biggest failures have been in trusting to a fault in people that haven’t been aligned with the same integrity wheel I roll on. As a result, I’ve had ideas “conveniently borrowed” {or should I just all out say – STOLEN} and have watched some projects grow without proper credit.

I overcame it with grace. I learned that no one wants to hear a squeaky wheel, victim vent. So I’ve learned to trust a different way. I trusted in the belief that the truth always prevails and that a leopard doesn’t change its spots. If someone was dishonest to me, most likely they will be that way with others and exposure of the true path always shows. So I overcame obstacles as such through patience, trust in the universal laws of karma and also garnered new levels of discernment I would have not mastered had I not had the experiences of those failure opportunities.

What is a typical day like for you?

What I love so much is that every day is different and I never know what to expect. One day I’m interviewing leaders that are changing the world or kids doing extraordinary achievements at such a young age {like today’s show for this Saturday’s ZGR show}, to an impromptu dance party with one of our hip hop artists and their entourage. It’s never the same and I wouldn’t change it. So much creativity abounds at Cinder Cone and it’s a wonderful environment for my own children to have that exposure to the arts.

How has motherhood affected your professional goals?

I strive to create a business the girls can be proud of, have fun with it, and if they want, be part of it. My own mother with her multiple businesses needed my help as a single mom. I didn’t have a choice but to be part of it. As a mother, you either learn from your parents and model that behavior to your own family or you do the exact opposite, learning how you once did things, found out what worked, what didn’t and chose a different course. I believe motherhood stared me more into a new direction I wanted as an entrepreneur. Also, having such a creative business allows me to work harder to create the flexible schedule so I can be there for the girls to go on trips when we want and have more opportunity to be at the events they need me at.

If your girls take away one thing from you running a business, what do you think that would be?

I believe my kids are learning the art of flexibility. Our business and I’m sure most self-employed businesses are not 9-5 M-F. Sometimes we work weekends, nights, long hours, holidays. While we do our best to keep to a normal business schedule, there’s nothing normal about the entertainment business. I’d want my children to know that there’s no one shoe that fits all. That everyone finds the path that works for them and they will too. There’s nothing wrong with a set work schedule and paycheck. We teach acceptance of all, everyone. We honor Oneness and Consciousness. My biggest dream is they see that the work we do at Cinder Cone is to help move the world forward in a positive way.

You’ve recently added children’s author to your resume. Tell me about it.

Ahhh. My most cherished project yet. Finn’s Giant Leap came to me in a “dream” or more like I woke up in the middle of the night and got a “message” to write this down. The story poured out of me. I never had any thought to write a children’s book. Yet, now, Finn is such a part of me and soon the world.

The messages are universal for kids and adults: believe in yourself, dream big and know all that we’ve ever needed is already inside. Finn learns patience, humility and victory. He learns the power of friendship. We ALL need friends we can trust and count on and seek being understood. We all are curious even though we are told what’s right and what’s wrong. Yet, we still need to figure it out for ourselves. So many life lessons shown through the eyes Finn the frog and his fairy friend, Syana.

It’s a magical story I can’t wait to share with all. Whether kids are 2 and 3 and just look at the beautiful pictures or they are 10-12 and get the messages, there’s something for everyone and I believe all will be touched by Finn’s Giant Leap. Then comes the sing along CD in October. Now that’s going to be AMAZING! All inspired messages from the book plus an audio narrative of the story by yours truly!

[tweetthis remove_hidden_hashtags=”true” remove_hidden_urls=”true”]”Believe in yourself, dream big and know all that we’ve ever needed is already inside.” #GOFINNGO[/tweetthis]

With so much on your plate, what keeps you sane?

Do you know how often I get that? Daily. The other big question is, “do you sleep?” The answer to that one is yes, I LOVE to sleep. I keep sane by living a life of excitement and joy. I get to share all my achievements on a daily basis with my husband. We’re like two little kids, especially when the work day is over and it’s just him and me playing guitar and writing/singing songs together. It’s a magical time to collaborate. I am also an avid book reader and love all things spiritual and esoteric. Meditation and journaling are also in my sanity tool box along with gourmet cooking with both my daughters.

Do you have any tips for working moms?

My best piece of advice for other working moms is to be IN JOY! Do what makes your heart sing and keeps your vibration up high. If you’re a doer, GO DO! Never second guess yourself {i.e. am I neglecting my children by working or any other should’ve, would’ve could’ve.} If you are called to self-express through an endeavor besides mommy hood, GO FOR IT! You’ll feel great about your accomplishments and that joy will reflect in your parenting. Happy Mom, Happy Child! Too many people are always concerned about what others think, say, do. I say, wait for that purpose in your life that lights you up like a Christmas tree and give it a shot. You can always back off if it’s too much. But, unless you try, you’ll never know.

I’m on a quest to having it all. Do you think you have it all?

Excellent question and it can be answered differently each and every day in all honestly. Remember asking me what a typical day like? Ditto here. Some days I say YES, I am exactly in my lane and I love the direction I am in, our family is in, our business is in, etc. Then there the days when it feels all too much and I want to check out to the isles of Trinidad and worry mostly about if I should put on SPF 30 or 50. Chances are, I’d get bored and want to jump back into the fray again. I love the balance of my life – the excitement and the calm, the unknown and the known. I think there’s never a final moment of having it all when you are a dreamer like me. There’s always something else to bring to the world. The ideas never stop. And I wouldn’t change a thing!

Want to be interviewed for #workingmomwednesday? Contact me to find out how.

September 23, 2016November 23, 2016

My Pregnancy after Miscarriage

This month I received a sobering reminder that it’d been one year since my miscarriage.

Usually my Facebook memories oscillate between semi-embarrassing college posts and photos of my two children. But when last year’s announcement that we had lost our baby at 12 weeks popped up, I sort of went numb.

I couldn’t bring myself to reread it, let alone the hundred plus comments that followed.

As I sat there not reading but no longer scrolling through my newsfeed, I thought about just how much can change in a year.

It took a year to get pregnant with my daughter, our first child.

I peed on so many sticks that year, praying for a plus sign, only to start my period an hour later. I remember how devastating it was each time to know that I would have to wait an entire month just to go through it all over again.

And then, twelve months after we first started trying and the day after a trip to my OBGYN to discuss our options, I got a plus sign.

My pregnancy wasn’t easy. I suffered from Hyperemesis Gravidarum a la Kate Middleton. I was hospitalized for dehydration and had to take anti-nausea medicine well into my third trimester just to keep some food and water down.

The labor and delivery wasn’t much prettier, but 23 hours later I was holding my beautiful little girl.

Unlike the year of infertility and excruciating pregnancy, my daughter’s first year of life flew by in an instant. And not long after she turned one, my husband and I were thrilled to find out we were pregnant again.

Sickness ensued.

This pregnancy seemed much harder, because it turns out that running after a one-year-old while trying to swallow your vomit is pretty gross. And yet, I cherished those nine months more than I had the first time, because, no longer a rookie parent, my heart ached in loving anticipation for this second blessing coming my way.

My son was born 4 days before my daughter’s second birthday.

So much can change in a year.

The summer after my son turned one we took a family trip. Somehow in a hotel room with two napping toddlers, my husband and I found a way to get frisky. A few weeks later that plus sign popped up once more – but this time it was met with surprise, and right on schedule a few weeks later, extreme morning sickness.

As much as this third baby was unexpected, I quickly became attached and enjoyed making plans for our party of five. Unable to hide my nausea, I let family, friends and work know about our growing family.

It was at my first doctor’s appointment at 12 weeks that we learned there was no longer a heartbeat.

Even with my husband by my side, I have never felt so alone.

For months after the miscarriage, I wouldn’t even talk about having another baby with my husband. The idea of putting my body through another pregnancy to end up without a baby again was too much to consider.

A family of four we were meant to be, I told myself. I would try to convince myself that I shouldn’t feel so devastated, because I was fortunate enough to have my two babies at home. I constantly reminded myself again how lucky I was.

The truth is, my pep-talks weren’t working, and the months that followed didn’t get any easier. And a friend and neighbor’s growing belly was a constant reminder of what I was no longer meant to have.

As my precious lost baby’s due date approached, my emotions were unpredictable and almost unbearable. The whole experience had been so personal, and while my husband offered boundless support, I continued to feel incredibly alone.

My kids celebrated their second and fourth birthdays just weeks after we were supposed to welcome baby number three. I thought I had gained closure after the due date had passed, until two months later we were shocked to learn we were pregnant again.

I should have been thrilled! Elated! Or, at the very least, I should have felt something, right?

Yet from the moment I found out I was pregnant, I’ve felt completely detached.

I have no doubt that this has been my heart’s way of protecting itself. What if something goes wrong again? If I’m not emotionally attached surely it won’t hurt so badly.

Just like clockwork, I started throwing up at 6 weeks. Other than the fact that I struggled to keep food down all summer, I nearly forgot that another baby was coming.

At my first doctor’s appointment, it took the nurse forever to find a heartbeat and I didn’t even flinch.

How had I become so cold and shut off? Was I a bad mom? When was I actually going to care about this baby?

And then a few weeks ago I started feeling those familiar flutters. The flutters grew into movements. The movements grew into kicks and elbows that I can not only feel but witness as this baby grows inside of me.

My mind is beginning to ease. My heart is filling. And – thank goodness – my expanding stomach is no longer nauseated.

By the beginning of 2017 we will welcome a new baby into our family. Unlike with my first two, this time we decided not to find out the gender. The truth is, it really doesn’t matter. We are ready to become our party of five. And I can finally say I’m excited for all of the changes that will come with the new year.

August 23, 2016

The New Normal

The other day I went out to lunch with an old friend. She’s currently on maternity leave after having her second child. While I think she looks fabulous, you can still tell she is a tad tired in that I’ve-got-a-newborn-who-isn’t-sleeping-through-the-night-yet sort of way.

I asked her how she was adjusting to life with two children. She said they were still trying to figure it all out, and asked how I had done with the transition to two kids.

I tried to think back to when my son was born. He’s only two, yet it’s hard to imagine our family before he was in it. {Not to mention the extremely permanent “mommy brain” I’ve suffered as a result of having children altogether.}

It was exhausting.

Why did it seem so different the second time around?

Would things ever go back to normal?

On the one hand, I wasn’t faced with the newness of each mom-task like I was when my daughter was born. You can read a million books and Google your heart out, but nothing truly prepares you for parenthood.

With my daughter I was able to make her the sole focus of my attention. This time, as my husband left for work each morning and I realized I would spend my maternity leave outnumbered, I went into survival mode.

I nursed my son while simultaneously helping my newly potty-trained daughter use the toilet.

I let my son fuss a little bit longer than usual in his swing to finish making my daughter’s snack.

I woke my son up from his nap – on more than one occasion – to pick up my daughter from a friend’s house {something I wouldn’t have dared with my firstborn}.

I could definitely relate to my tired friend. The transition to two children is exhausting. But it is also fleeting.

As hectic as those early days were chasing a toddler after a sleepless night with a newborn, they soon mellowed thanks to new routines, better communication, and a little bit more patience.

We settled into our new normal.

I encouraged my friend to hang in there. Just six weeks post-partum and she looked like a rock star. She too will find her new normal soon enough.

Our conversation really got me thinking about all of life’s changes. Our inability to control them – or even predict some of them. And our ability to decide how we choose to handle them.

My family went through a lot of changes this summer and we’ll encounter another big one in a few short months.

While change can be exciting, it can also be a little intimidating. {And in the case of an infant….or moving…exhausting.}

Maybe it’s a new job. Or a layoff.

Maybe it’s a new city. Or returning to live with your parents.

Maybe it’s a new school. Or leaving your kids for the first time.

{Shout out to my grieving back-to-school mommy friends. One sent her sweet first-born off to Kindergarten. The other sent her “baby” away to college. They’ve had five and eighteen years to prepare for this moment, but how do you really get yourself ready for such a milestone besides loading up on tissue boxes?}

Change, whether predictable or completely unexpected, is a part of life. It turns our regular routine on its head and alters the version of “normal” that we’ve become accustomed to.

Without change, there’s no growth.

All of our stories are a work in progress. Embrace the changes that life throws at you. Sometimes it’s how we overcome those changes that make our stories worth telling.

You will find your new normal soon enough.

August 10, 2016

“I lost my job, and needed another door to open”

Q&A with Karrie Kaneda

Karrie Kaneda is a designer, saleswoman, social media marketer and office manager. And that’s just her day job!

Like most mom business owners, Karrie knows how to wear many hats in order to run her company and her household.

Karrie knows the secret to a “happy habitat” is to find the beauty in everything. When life handed her lemons, she turned them into blankets and has been making her customers happy ever since.

Self-promo time. What do you do?

I design blankets for my company I started called Happy Habitat. My throws are made in the US from recycled cotton, and all about pattern and color. I sell them on my website and to stores all over the world.

How’d you get your start?

I lost my job, and needed another door to open. I opened several doors that had no excitement for me. And since money is a necessity, I figured I might as well spend my time doing something that I enjoy. I wanted to spend my days doing something that I could put my whole heart into, not just something that wasted time in my day. After some time playing with patterns, I landed on blankets as a useful, earth friendly way to put what was in my head out to the world, and make some money while doing it.

[tweetthis remove_hidden_hashtags=”true” remove_hidden_urls=”true”]”I wanted to spend my days doing something that I could put my whole heart into” #happyhabitat[/tweetthis]

What inspires your designs?

More like what doesn’t! I just looked through photos on my iPhone to see what I had taken pics of that have recently inspired me. Here’s a few: a rust colored dead rose, spit out cherry pits, clouds, tiles {always tile! Moorish tiles get me every time!), eagle feathers, graffiti, words and rhymes.

Do you have a favorite pattern?

Don’t let my daughter see this because her and her brother fight over which one of their throws sells the most, but Kenichi is probably my favorite. Kenichi is my son’s middle name {means healthy first born son in Japanese}— he helped come up with the colors for the first one I made. Misaki is my daughter’s middle name, which means beautiful blossom. Her throw has flowers in it inspired by her name.

What has been the best part of owning your own business?

No office politics! I can get things done quickly. I don’t have to follow rules, written or implied- that feels good.

Have you had any setbacks?

Because my personal life and professional are very intertwined, I’d say that I’m affected when my professional/personal life is off balance. It’s been a bit off balance lately and that has set me back in terms of inspiration and efficiency. I haven’t been able to respond as quickly as I like to people and have all these design ideas, but just haven’t been able to implement everything that’s in my head I want to do. All I can do is be healthy and take care of myself the best I can. I’m getting my balance back now, and can feel my mojo coming back! All you can do is move forward.

What is a typical day like for you?

No day is typical, but it starts with getting my kids up and out the door to school. Next up, coffee. Either at home by french press, or I’ll head out to work at a coffee shop and slowly savor a triple short cappuccino. Music is always loud. First thing I’ll do is process orders from my website and for stores— so sending invoices, updating the status of customer orders, getting back to people with questions. So glamorous! 😉 Because I’m constantly making new designs, I’m often busy taking product photos, and editing them. If I’m lucky, I’ll work designing new patterns. And I’m always posting on social media. I then pick my kids up from school and hang out with them— dinner etc., then I’m often back at it at night for a bit.

Finish this sentence. Before I had kids, I wish someone had told me…

Cherish their youth and your time with them, they are only little once. Oh, wait… 10,000 people did tell me that! I’m glad I listened though. I think I’ve savored them, and still do!

Have your professional goals changed since starting a family of your own?

I’ve realized it’s not about money. That’s not what is most important. There is real value to doing things that are just “fun”— you can’t measure that with money. Money will hopefully follow if you are doing what you love and having a good time while doing it. I mean, I’m always thinking how things affect my business, but I do make a lot of business decisions on if it’s a ‘good’ thing to do. Does it create good for someone else? Is it fun? Does it benefit other people? For example, I have done collaborations with people that didn’t make a ton of money, but the friendship that came from it was invaluable. So, I’d say professional goals have changed from just making money, to making experiences.

[tweetthis remove_hidden_hashtags=”true” remove_hidden_urls=”true”]”Money will hopefully follow if you are doing what you love and having a good time while doing it.”[/tweetthis]

Any advice for a woman looking to start her own business?

Start small. Don’t hire people to do what you can do yourself. Know what your strengths are and use them to your advantage, and know your weaknesses and get help for those things. But first try, and try HARD to do everything yourself. If it’s your business, you should probably know about those things anyway. Owning a businesses isn’t just hiring other people to do things. unless your loaded, then that’s another story. And probably a boring, uninspiring story 😉

I’m on a quest to having it all. Do you think you have it all?

I think I’m pretty darn close! My kids always ask me if I could have any job in the world what would it be? And I always answer the same: I would do exactly what i’m doing now. Wouldn’t trade it for anything. I have 2 funny, beautiful kids that constantly surprise me with their wit and quirks. I am fortunate to be able to spend a lot of time with family and friends that is always full of laughter— and what’s better that that? Every day I’m grateful.

Want to be interviewed for #workingmomwednesday? Contact me to find out how.

August 5, 2016

The best job I’ve ever had

Earlier this week my husband and I hit a big milestone in our marriage – our 7 year wedding anniversary. We celebrated by going out to lunch while the kids were at school, because we haven’t quite scoped out the babysitter scene since moving to Texas.

It was nice to spend some alone time together, something that with a two and four-year-old at home happens much less often than either of us would like to admit.

We talked about the dreaded 7 year itch in a marriage.

I don’t know if this is actually a thing. We agreed that this last year probably held our fair share of marital hardships between me leaving my job, the miscarriage, and the move, and decided to move on.

What surprised me most about our kids-free conversation was how often reflecting on our life together turned into work talk. And how, for us, the two topics seem to be so intertwined.

Yes, sometimes our marriage feels like work. But I mean work-work.

Being married in our early 20s meant going through a lot of job experimentation and self exploration while fulfilling the roles of husband and wife.

If you would have told me 7 years ago that today we’d be business owners living in Texas waiting on baby number 3, I would have rolled my eyes. And yet today, it seems somewhat obvious that we’ve been heading in this direction all along.

Let me take you back to 2009.

While many of our friends were still finishing up graduate school or searching for jobs following the economic crash the year prior, we were handing in our 2 weeks notice and preparing to move across the country to get married. We arrived back in my hometown of Kansas City just a month before our August nuptials completely jobless.

Over lunch we talked about what a turning point that was for us, as professionals {if either of us could have been labeled that fresh out of college} and as a couple {it was good practice for the 3 moves that would follow}.

Our families warned us not to do it. They said the move was irresponsible. They encouraged us to be appreciative of the jobs we had given the economy. Looking back we can appreciate where they were coming from.

But I think we’d make the same choice if we had to do it all over again.

That itch to walk away from stability to pursue what we wanted would become a habit for us in the seven years that followed.

During that time, my husband would be laid off, start his own business, return to a career in finance, leave once again to run Pit Stop Auto Detailing full-time, and most recently accept a corporate job where he can continue to pursue something he loves while still operating his own business from afar.

While my own business path may have fewer curves, it’s also had a lot less direction than my car-loving husband’s. Unlike him, I wouldn’t discover something I really cared about until my daughter was born.

Not only did I immediately become crazy about being a mom {something I always knew I wanted to be}, but I unearthed an unknown desire to be a working mom {something I’d never even considered for myself}.

Yet, it wasn’t until after the birth of my son two years later that I got my own itch to pursue a business of my own.

With all of the changes in our careers, one thing has kept us both {me} from totally losing our {my} minds.

We’ve always taken turns satisfying our itch.

There’s no way my husband could have started his own business in 2010 without my reliable paycheck {however measly} and health insurance.

There is no way I would have pursued going out on my own without the stability and success of his business.

Over the last seven years I think we can both agree we’ve gotten what we wanted out of our professional lives, just not all at the same time.

Just like the jobs we’ve held, our marriage is hardly perfect.

We don’t always see eye to eye on who should change our son’s diaper or pick up the cat puke on the floor {true story}. There is more yelling in our house than either of us are proud of, and with the busyness of kids and careers someone’s needs are often unmet.

But one thing we’ve consistently done throughout our marriage is support one other whenever we get a professional itch. We take on each other’s goals, even if it means taking turns.

And we’ve never gotten that marriage itch, which makes being his wife the best job I’ve ever had.